hello...

wow... it's the end of the week already... somehow it has all passed me by...
haha... quite an anticlimax actually...

ah... it was raining as i walked home yesterday... got caught in the rain... really... interesting... shall i say... almost as if i missed the feeling of getting all drenched in the rain and walking home all wet and soggy...
well... number one... it brings happy thoughts... not memories mind you... just thoughts...
and it's fun... haha... be five again... go walking in the misty rain...

ah tired...

zzz...

hello...

i have one thing to say...

because of a certain book a certain someone thrust into my hands and commanded me: read... i am not going to blog tonight... i am not going to study... and if i fail tomorrow's test it will be all a certain someone's fault...

by the way the book's nice and i can't put it down so there...

hello...
i'm getting bored of starting every post with hello...
let's try something new...

err...

greetings...
no... that sounds wrong...

salutations...
(next please)
good evening...
(next please)
what-a-pleasant-day!
(omigoshthatwassobadcanwejustgobacktosayinghello)

ah well... hello then...

for those who wanted to know if my speech earlier today was done impromptu or not... well... here it is... the only preparation i had was penning my thoughts down the night before... right here on these pages...

ah... i was wondering why the bus ride felt so different today...
yes i suppose eight o'clock is a little later than the usual... but the entire mood of the ride was so different... quiet... solitary... contemplative even... i suppose if everyone crammed on the bus was tired and looking only to home and rest then the atmosphere would be far removed from one in a bus load of hyperactive schoolchildren just out of school...
it's almost foreign... almost as if i wouldn't have batted an eyelid if i stepped out of the bus into bitter winter cold and snow meandering its slow path to the earth... ah... i wish more bus rides were like that... quiet moments for me to look out the window and just wonder at the sheer variety and diversity of things... imagine all the lives and people that could mean so much to you but you just never meet because they live at the other side of town...
and i even noticed a couple holding hands... and fast asleep...
ah... sweet youth... let's hope that hasn't passed me by...

it just dawned on me that this moment right now... as i sit typing before the monitor... is a solitary moment of respite in between the two worlds of raging stress and fantastical dream... yes i sometimes feel that whenever i blog right after i'm done with work and right before i go to bed... i'm in a semi-conscious state... haha... and often i end up talking rubbish...
like now...

hmm... wore my watch today after a hiatus of probably a year... think i like it...
so do not even begin to list the long list of negative impacts it has on my image... i think i might wear it more often... or maybe not... wouldn't want to scratch it's pretty face now would i...?
hmm...

ah well... off i go now...
'nighty...

hello everybody...

tomorrow's the big day...

and i have a message for all who care to chance by...

if you say that i have provided such good service and leadership in the past one year or so that many find it daunting to fill my position when i leave... i leave you with this...
if you say that my leadership has been exemplary... then prove it... for the mark of truly good leadership comes not in my time... but in how well my successors shall perform...
thus... my one request of you... my juniors... is that you achieve what i have... and show that i have done my job... and go even to succeed where i have not... and prove that i have done my job... and well...

sigh... suddenly everything feels kinda like a big anticlimax... haha... yes... i shall go as far as admitting that in my human fallibility i might have dreamt... in one small, selfish moment... of a grand send off... haha...
well... ego trip...

what...? don't look at me like that... i'm only human... as you are too... allow me my moments of vanity...

ah... time's a running... and my work's left undone... cold in the moonlight... neglected ones and zeroes sitting on the com... waiting...

yes... the prophecy's fulfilling itself... my posts are getting shorter and shorter...
ah well...

hello...

just finished an arrangement for male voices of How Deep Is Your Love... which probably means i will be incessantly humming it for the next few days...
lalala...

but honestly speaking... it it pretty nice lar... 'cept maybe i can't really figure out what's it trying to say... haha... ah well... i shall revel in the music rather than the literature then...

i have just realised what total shit life will be for the next weeks... haha... everybody shall join me in cramming endless... and useless... stuff up my brains... through every orifice possible... yes... this is the famed shock tactic at work... every single orifice... think about that... haha... if we all can't sleep tonight cos we're too caught up puking it's not me fault ok...

on a more serious note... there's plenty to do... and not enough time... i swear the planets rate of orbit round the sun's perpetually speeding up... and soon we'll be down to watching fourteen sunsets in a day...

ah... shouldn't be mocking a certain beloved tale now should i...?

i realise also that i'm talking rubbish... ah well... it's time... to rest my tired mind and body...
hmm... i'm tired... i wanna sleep... but there's still stuff to do... ah well... haha...
there's always tomorrow...
'tis the fine art of procrastination...

hello... the previous post was supposed to be up early this morning... like about one... ante meridian...

but i took it down for a while... cos of some stuff that happened that made me question the truth of what i wrote...

but now it's up again... i decided while it may not apply to everybody... for those to whom it applies to... they deserve the thanks and gratitude... thank you...

to whom it may concern... human emotions are at best elusive and cryptic... sometimes it's just better to just experience them than try to fathom their bottomless meanings...

sunday is a day of cleaning... and that's final...
that... by the way... was courtesy of the re-creative essay question of literature paper eight...
spent the day polishing my flute... and then washing the toilet...
talk about antithesis... but washing and polishing and cleaning... occasionally done... it's therapeutic...

ah... i have to go... and prepare for tomorrow now...
i can hear the trains go by right outside the window now... it's really funny how they seem to sound so different from time to time... sometimes a deafening roar... and yet sometimes a hushed whoosh... reminiscent of quiet endless journeying and discovery... in a positive sense of course...

'nighty then...

(darkness... but with roaring applause...  it slowly dies down as the lights brighten to reveal voluminous bloodred curtains hiding a stage... all that can be discerned through the immensity of the space and the sheer brightness of the blinding lights is a man on the right... clutching on tightly to a certain object in his hands...) 

thank you... thank you...
(as the stray murmurs, coughs, and bravos die away to silence... the microphone reverberations swell to a feedback... abruptly cut off... pure silence now...)
ahem... err...
(a marked decrease in echoes this time...)
now... i owe to my many friends... many thanks to each and every one of them for their constant and undying support throughout my life's journey... one marked by hysteria and madness... and even more often the pure torture of just bearing it all... thank you...
i owe this to every single one of you... who in your own way... whether you were aware of it... tiled and shaped the path that i eventually took to bring me here...
from the bottom of my heart...
thank you very much... i would also like to...
(applause returns again and drowns the rest of his words out... it comes with even greater intensity this time... coupled by stray flowers and bouquets thrown on stage...)

haha... right...
perhaps one day down the road... we should always dream shouldn't we...
and that's the truth... thank you... i am truly very touched by the support people have given me all the time... despite the fact that i can be a total asshole... or a sucker for that matter...

no i was not motivated to this by one of those emails that ask you to tell every single crush you had and have that you love them cos you might just die tomorrow...

once again... thank you...

(the man trips and falls and that which he has so closely clutched breaks upon impact...)
(an egg reaches the stage right at his feet...)
(a stage light creaks... falls on the man and abruptly cuts his speech short...)
(the man is escorted out of the hall... on the way... he shakes hands with and talks to many dignitaries... finally transported off in an unmarked, tinted-windowed limousine...)

well... that's over and done with now... ah... tired...

thanks to all my fellow alumnus... great time conducting you all... thanks to those who supported from the audience... many people to thank... all my many teachers in music... whether you knew it or not...

the feeling i have now is exactly that i had as i read the last words in Tolkien's Lord of the Rings... the atmosphere charged with the scent of resolution... closing chapters and books of this period of time... but still knowing that somehow... the writing continues... and one day the dust will be blown off... and the long, flowing script that once filled the pages shall again begin to write...
in other words... i feel an inevitable sense of finality... but i also know that the book isn't concluded yet... there are words that have yet to be said...

ah well... saw this coming...

i was never really able to look back at a concert and say that i was glad that it was over... i always regret the many things... not done... done wrongly... that i will never be able to right... and most of all... i look to tomorrow... and when i see that it promises no glorious music... and even worse... commands that i exchange my flute and baton for pens and papers... and my scores for books... well... it's kinda hard not to be at least a little sad yar...

sigh... perhaps what i also lament now is the fact that i cannot go to warm companionship after all the intensity and action... that i am forced to retire alone at night and face barren tomorrow myself...
ah... for the want of companionship...

music feeds me... oh yes... but it needs life... and also love to sustain it too...

on a brighter note... i have to say i'm simply impressed by the alumni... i cannot for the life of me understand how we went up in stage having rehearsed the piece just once and pulled it off with all the charm and beauty possible... amazing...
you see... to some the quest for perfection may be a long and arduous one... yet is it not true that perfection can be found where you will...?

ah... i shall sleep now...

"...Rose leaves, when the rose is dead,
Are heap'd for the belovèd's bed:
And so thy thoughts, when thou art gone,
Love itself shall slumber on."
- Percy Bysshe Shelley - 'Music, when soft voices die'

ah... concert's tomorrow... and i'm all unsettled and everything...

the fact remains that we have had so few practices together... and we're going on tomorrow having hardly rehearsed anything... there's so much more i want to tell them... but so little time...
but i have to say i'm so proud to be part of this... there's something there in that makes this all so special... and i don't even know how to describe it... how often can we throw a piece at a band and have them perform a week later...?

hmm... was wondering how valid is it to think that true artists must suffer as a result of the immense gift of creation within them...

must they suffer...? must art necessarily lie in the cradle of agony and be borne by the carriage of anguish...? i mean... ultimately...
isn't art a celebration of life...? isn't the entire process and aim of art to showcase life in all its myriad aspects... the condensation of the emotions and activities that run from one dawn to the next... one season to another... this spring to the next and this life and all that come after... into their combined magnum opera...? and perhaps one day one final magnum opus...?

or is it a constant process of pain...?

pain that is revenge against the cursed few blessed enough to see life for all its infinite blackness and beauty... pain because they alone know the depths of human baseness... pain because they see the ultimate glory and wonder of everything that they in their prison of humanity can never attain...

is that why my life sometimes seems so cold...?

when i can hear perfection... and know that i may come ever so close... yet never touch it... is it a gift of hope or despair...?

ah... questions...
i am not depressed... neither do i despair... i just write for the sake of it... never forget that pisceans are after all optimists... eternal dreamers... maybe that's why they close the entire cycle... while aquarius... bringer of truth... opens it...

ah... the sky's a real beauty today... an ocean veiling its secret beauty...

"...Yon orange sunset waning slow:
From fringes of the faded eve...
...Till over thy dark shoulder glow  
Thy silver sister-world..."
- Alfred Lord Tennyson, 'Move eastward, happy earth, and leave'

hello... i just got off the phone with some telephone survey person from some marketing company...

what a waste of my time... the only reason i took pity on her and agreed to do it was as i know the horrors of conducting surveys...

very tired and busy now... it's quite surprising how after all the applause, grandiose stuff and whatnot... the loose ends are ultimately still so important... and still take up a fair bit of time to settle... choir ends for me next week... and i am quite relieved... but also excited... it is after all a new beginning... just that i'm not part of it...

well well... all the best... no matter what else i say... it's gonna largely revolve around that....

since i'm staring at the keyboard now thinking what to write... i might as well warn everybody...
as my concerts and engagements and involvements wear down to a mere trickle and i get further and further away from my music... yes... my music... i will get progressively more and more depressed... you may well expect peaks of depression right after my concert this friday... seeing that it is after all the last major event this year... and probably before, during and after my prelims... now that's pretty much everything isn't it...?
ah well...

tired...

hello...
i do not blog too much... even if i do... it's all because of Joshua Lim Yifei since he WANT'S (that's how he put it) to see how long and fruitful this blog will be ... and yes i know i've said that before...
 
haha... no lar... it's just that i think blogging's a good ritual to develop... and no i don't mean that every night at thirteen past ten and thirteen seconds i don a black robe with a hood and start typing furiously away while chanting... i mean rituals as simply stuff that i do regularly... stuff that hopefully remains constant while everything else spins madly around... away... askew...
 
we all need rituals... rituals so as to anchor us to terra firma while everthing goes evanesco into limbo and beyond...
 
ah well... my last performance with the choir... over and done with... the organisers were all whoo whee wow and whatnot... but over these two years iv'e learnt that they do that for most any sort of performance regardless of the standard of things... haha...
honestly though... i must say that it went pretty well... definitely could have been worse... and that's a good thing... still... at the same time... i have to say that it could also have been better... haha...
whatever the case is... not too long from now... it's no longer gonna be my call to make... i suppose it's time for me to fade into history... and let the next group of promising leaders write the history books... haha...
 
extravagant language...? yes... but never forget that life... even in the simplest and most mundane of activities is grandeur, celebration and passion all at once... not so much dolce vita... oh no... life is seldom that sweet...
but definitely appassionato... passion... bringer of both euphoria and anguish...
 
tired... and i think should now say that as this long year draws on and on... (yes... time does pass... though it sometimes seems to the contrary...) my writings here will be gradually shortened... dimished... flayed thin... filed down from my usual protracted ramblings to a mere few words...
 
thus i shall blog more now to make up for that...
so stop me... ha...
 
haha... 'night everyone...
 
"...The old snows melt from every mountain-side, 
And last year’s leaves are smoke in every lane; 
But last year’s bitter loving must remain
Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide!"
- Edna St. Vincent Millay, 'Sonnet II' 
 
no i'm not feeling blue... just that i feel these words reflect...
shall we say...
a certain truth...

hello yet again...
i'm done with my essay... at last... about time don't you think... having dragged it for three days already...
 
tomorrow... i am supposed to go to college all decked out in an ethnic costume... if not it's four essays to be churned out by thursday... all this brought to me by my wonderful history department lecturers... not to mention my attire that i have to lug around for tomorrow night's ceremony...
i need a personal assistant... and an entourage...
interested parties leave a message and please hold... we will get back to you shortly...
 
ah... everything's falling in place now... concert this friday... my last performance with the choir tomorrow...
 
i can fell the wistfulness in me rising now...
ah well...

adjusted the graphic again... this is for those of you all out there who said that the old one made it difficult for people to read what was on the site...
and i think this one's really cool...
 
by the way... it is supposed to totally fade away... not get cut off by the bottom of the monitor so do tell me if it comes out fine on all the different coms people use...
maybe if everybody can't see the bottom... which admittedly gives off the nicest effect... i'll adjust the graphic again... resize it or something...
 
i'm supposed to be doing an essay now... but since i have to submit it in typescript... as my tutor so insists... using the specific word 'typescript'... the computer has become a source of constant distraction... thus bringing me here... blogging... ha...
 
i suppose i'll soon be done with it anyway... but first...
dinner beckons...
 
munch...

hello... this is me again... this time posting from college...
the computers here take an age to load... a very long age at that...
ah well...
i'm very bored now... as my two and a quarter hour break draws to an end...
haha... i like this monday... especially since i essentially have come to school today for four lectures... that adds up to a total of three hours... and the rest is just me slacking around...
whee...
 
and i'm supposed to be in lecture in half an hour's time... haha... then another... then i'm off home...
 
ah...
mondays... this one has turned out exceptionally well...
 
then and again... there's plenty of stuff that i've yet to settle... final bits of administration... practice for friday's performance... one lit assignment... for which i have successfully demonstrated the fine art of procrastination... haha...
 
and people are crowding round me now to see what i'm typing... and editing it as i go along... fine examples of backseat bloggers... who are staring at the words materialize on the screen now... and slapping the table as i type cos i'm mentioning them... or at least one of them only... and both are punching me now... cos i'm talking about them...
the shock of seeing me mention them here... that can drive people to violence...
 
ah... it's time...
bloody lecture...
 

good evening...
 
actually there's one thing that makes this evening not so good... and that's the blasting megaphone of some open air performance right below my block... if not for that... this evening would be what i consider pretty nice... quiet... with the whole house to myself...
 
well... school's starting again tomorrow... but this next week will mark the beginning of the end of my many involvements... all over the place... so i decided to cherish it well... by the time i'm here again typing next week... i think i'll be stripped of many things that now still cling on to me...
what a relief... it's been a long, arduous, tiring... but ultimately very fulfilling journey...
 
ah... the sky's beautiful... but i think i won't go on and on about it ad nauseam...
all i shall say of the evening is that it looks like an immense curtain... purple gilded with clouds of copper sunset... the pregnant curtain for a stage of the stars to chart their nocturnal course...

and in writing that... i see that the precise one moment is quite over and done with... after all...
a certain amount of the beauty in sunset and sunrise lies in the fact that one can never specifically pinpoint the time when the colours are so finely balanced it seems like the complete palette of nature laid out for one split moment... and it is precisely this elusive moment that holds the momentary blood-eye of the observer... but forever captures the attention of the sprit's contemplation... 
 
and i have an essay to finish...
 
talk about pithy statements and juxtaposition of style...
ha...

hello...
 
oh guess what...
apparently...
 
when Typhon, child of Gaia and Tartarus raged across the world... with wrath so fiery that even the gods fled from Olympus to Egypt when it attacked... Eros and Aphrodite transformed into the two fishes we now know as Pisces and swam up the Nile...  therefore... no matter which one of the dual fishes exerts a stronger influence on me... i exude sensual allure...
 
keep that in mind yar...
and yes i couldn't stop laughing for hours after reading that...
 
anyway... as for the whole story... Typhon was eventually vanquished by Athene who used Zeus' thunderbolts... and as punishment set beneath the Mount Aetna... which is today the still active volcano of Etna on the island of Sicily...
 
ah... the romance of the classics... bloody yes... but still romantic in its own quait way...
there's lot's more where it came from...
http://www.dibonsmith.com/menu.htm
 
oh yes... before i forget...
 
Maris Stella Concert Band: Chronicles IV
23rd July, Singapore Conference Hall
tickets at $10
 
i will be conducting the alumni band... so if you're interested do drop a line or something...
 
and i just realised i'm making so many darn mistakes in my typing that i'm having to go over and over again on the same few words... this means i'm tired...
haha... and i'm saying stuff that really doesn't make any sense... hmm...
 
i like this feeling of being tired... it's different from being tired cos of work... this is... the feeling of satisfaction... and nestled within it the mildly unsettling promise and anticipation of events of the future... ah...
 

i shall now make it a point to one day go somewhere i can see the full beauty of the night sky... like Tioman Island or Perth or something... somewhere i can see everything for once without clouds and apartment block lighting to distract me...
 
i can hear the crickets' call from my room now... its sadly quite seldom that i get to stay up late enough to hear this... sounds like a really high F# and G... haha...
funny how it's so soothing now but if i hear anything remotely lke this anytime else i'll scream...
somehow this buzz so high it's at the edge of my hearing... so unobtrusive it's almost mistaken for the ring of pure silence... can sound so much more mysteriously alluring than most anything else i've heard before... 

just listen...

hello... err...
wait a minute would you... feeling lost with blogspot's new format...
wow... this looks complicated...
 
ah well... i'll fiddle around with it another time...
 
my cacti look better... phew...
 
for some reason or other...  something popped into my head as i was heading for lecture today...
i have no idea why...
if i saw meself... would i like what i see...? could i befriend me...? ooh... let's just be narcisstic...
hmm... i dunno...
firstly... the hair has got to be more obedient... i hate it when it ends up exactly the way i don't want it to right after i step out of the loo having just tried to discipline it... it's almost a mockery i tell you...
nextly... i want longer, larger everything... so that i don't look like a refugee... or be accused of wearing tight stuff when i don't have the figure...
thereforely... figure...
after thatly... my own nice shoes... the keyword here is nice... and perhaps own...
that should be all...
 
i feel so cheap... bwahaha... maybe they should pick me for the next reality tv show featuring makeovers...
 
... that's so wrong...
somebody slap me hard now... wiggle my earlobes and twist my thumbs and insert salt in my mouth... stand by my insensate form and call for my mind to return...
i am talking rubbish aren't i...? haha...
i don't care... it's therapeutic...
whee...
 
so you'll play the psychologist and i'll play the patient and you'll listen to me ramble on and on meaninglessly and it'll do me a whooole lot of good...
and the best part is... it's totally free!!!
 
righty... thanks doc...
see you around soon...
 
haha... anyways... look out for Venus these few days... it should be quite the brightest thing around... especially in the mornings... before the sun is fully out... and the evenings...
once the other stars are out the it's harder cos you'll get lost...
 
hmm... i wonder why have i forgotten all the constellations i used to know... now all i remember are Orion and the Southern Cross... and i can only see Orion cos the Southern Cross' only obvious from near the sea... if not for Venus these few days... i might have just forgetten clean about everything...
 
stars... used to spend entire evenings gazing up... and sometimes it quite unsettled me... the prospect of a distance so far... a universe apart... seemed to be so beyond my comprehension that it frightened me...
the infinite may be a very simple concept... but if you for once consider it for it's implications in itself... infinity and infinity alone... not in the comfort of mathematical logic...
the sheer magnitude can be disturbing... horrific even...

but stars and the sky still entrance and enthrall me... they are... after all... the stuff of dreams...
they represent the pinnacle... the acme... the zenith of human imagination... it is after all precisely because we cannot fathom their infinitesimal depth... their dark radiance... that we have to turn to our heaven sent resources to place them within comprehensible grasp...
and if i'm not up to thinking deep thoughts... then they become pleasant beauty to grace the tired evening...
 
ah well...

this is not good...
i'm sure now i'm the first person ever to starve cacti till they wither...
i'm so damn sorry... it's not my fault... it's the stupid mid-years...
please don't die on me... please...
my little potted plants...

i'm not sure why some people don't really like cacti... i think they're really nice...
no false pretences of flowers... just plain, solid substance...
and there's beauty in their bodies... long and slim...
or those that look like ferns...
or the fleshy types that look rather like green roses...

and i think my fern-like cactus is almost dead...
argh...
oh well.. maybe i'll buy new ones...
or else i'll just make a cutting and grow a new one...

it's kinda sad yar... that i can neglect my cacti till they wither... i mean...
it means i'm harsher than the Sahara... and that's a sobering thought...

anyways... i don't think me as a bohemian with long hair would be nice...
i want to keep my hair as it is... yes to the goatee... and yes to the tinted glasses...
dunno about rose... maybe blue's better though...
and i'll spend my day busking... and my evening getting kicked out of restaurants... and my nights under the bridge...
ah... beautiful...
and when i die... i'll be remembered as the weirdo who busked around at city hall... and spent the nights sleeping under bridges... a struggling artist...
maybe if i'm lucky i'll get a mention in some tabloid like new paper...
haha...

i'm in a sardonic mood today...
ha... the world laughs... and so all i can do is laugh along...
not that i'm really inclined to...
but we have to don't we...? laugh along...?
or else we'll just be relics of the past... or even worse... people of the present grouching around in circles... preoccupied with perfecting their frowns...

so... excuse me while i laugh without mirth...
after all... say's law says that...
(that is not a typo... i intended for it to be so... ha...)
supply creates it's own demand... so maybe if i supply the smile... however strained... demand will come... with it... i hope... real laughter...

so...
ha...

ah...
tired...

sigh... i'm very tired... and it's only the beginning of tough times... prelims are coming and 'A's are coming and everything is going to nothing...
therefore...
i am going to take the rest of the year off... and do whatever my whim and fancy so dictates... and not have a care in the world... whee...
right... the rubber band that i use to stretch reality just snapped... and it stings terribly bad where it whipped me in the eye...
ouch...

i'm very tempted to write about rain again today...
hmm... should i...?
nah... i shall just ramble around aimlessly till i hit a respectable length and just post it up... haha... meaningless posts... meaningless life...

in case you didn't already know... yes i just blog everyday whether or not i have something to say... haha...

let's see now.... read The Little Prince for a bit just now... it's a good book to cheer people up...
i sometimes wish i could write like that... simple and elegant... cos poetic is nice... but it's after all so damn thick... imagery and metaphor and all the watchamacallits...
so we should all let our language take a turn for the elegant and simple... and dump the verbose, the pedantic, and the 40 pound dictionary in the bin...

dunno what else to say...
sigh... brain's addled...

oh yes...
thanks to passerby for the tag... haha...
i do have to say that i don't always write like that... it comes about twice in three months... or whenever i hit depression... whichever's sooner... ha...
at other times it's mostly crap... meaningless ramblings... as demonstrated above...

sigh... i'm tired and therefore i'm depressed cos i want to do so many things but i can't...
i'm also depressed at the sheer futility of my actions... and the fact that i've done so many stupid things in life... and i don't seem to be stopping...
mostly i'm depressed cos i am reduced to having to tell all my troubles to not a loved one... not a friend... heck not even a bartender...
but my com...

'night and sorry if i spoilt it...

hmm...

i like today's weather... foggy in the morning... so my walk to the bus stop was not agonizingly mundane...
it seemed as if the veil cast by the fog extended beyond the physical plane into a spiritual, emotional one... it is a rather good way i should say... to begin the morning exactly as nature intended it... veiled, with a hint of hidden developments in the hours to come... haha...
rain in the late afternoon... it's a sign of the passage of time... the year's dying... but i like rain... bringer of new life... and it hides life (or at least mine...) from the harshness of daylight... we could all do with living in darkness for a bit... life is often painful to bear... i don't need more sunshine to sear me where i'm exposed... and illuminate my scars where they've healed over so many times i don't feel a thing...

rain and cold winds... reminders... again...

of paris... amongst other things... and gazing at the eiffel tower by the dim of evening haze... the last vestiges of spring, summer and autumn releasing their tenuous hold on time in a final drizzle of light rain before the first virgin snowflakes caress the earth... and begin the slow but inevitable crafting of the white quilt for the land while it sleeps...

of nights gone by... amongst other things... when rain and cold winds were but a cue for warmth... for company and the quiet anticipation of the time when the rains would clear to reveal a night with no sound to distract... no light to obscure... and a sky that hid no star...

on a more mundane and banal note...
i have a life to live... and so do many other people... and right now some others are deliberately making my life as well as other's difficult by insisting on the truth of wild rumours...
it is one matter to talk and joke and use such untruths to spark conversation... but the written word has power... perhaps more so than the spoken word... and to write such stuff anywhere... least of all on my blog... is just a waste of my time...
and i'm not saying that it's ok to go on and on in conversation about this... so don't even begin to misquote me tomorrow and say that i only said not to write about it... leaving you free to talk or even... type it out...
hello... logic...?

and no i am not angry or upset... not in the manner that would affect my daily life anyway... i am just indignant... and there's a fine difference there...
so there's no need for I'm-Sorries or Are-You-Okays... not that i'm expecting that...
just stop... and i'll be the one thanking you...

and no i'm not in a bad mood today...

well hello there...
let's see now... hmm...

oh yar... touch rugby... well... i must first say that Karthik did a fine job this morning... coaching us all... and trust me... coaching a sports idiot like me to do anything remotely sporty even like passing a ball (which sadly i also couldn't master) is a taxing job...
anyway... i totally did not get the point of the game... but it was good fun running around aimlessly and trying to look and sound as if i knew exactly what was going on...
ha...
if you're reading this karthik... i swear i'll buck up and try again...
just don't pummel me into the ground a la rugby...

hmm... oh yar... vj tsd public performance...
i am being held at gunpoint now by leonard who wants the whole world to come and see what i think of their performance...
oh well... if you do pass this way then leave a note kk...

duologue by lynn and leonard... well... HAHAHA... that's all i can say... i mean... there was a lot of comedy in that piece that wasn't in words... the timing, action and whatnot... which makes it all the more striking... and leonard as a displaced father and lynn as an uneasy mom was somehow disturbingly apt... i loved the entire wringing hands bit by lynn and the obvious (and very male) transformation of helplessness into anger and rage by leonard...
and according to my friend... she was really afraid that leonard would really take the chair and barge into the loo... or the john as they so insist on calling it...

the agony of mother nature... that was a neat piece too... cos i really loved the effect of the ultraviolet lights on the actors... or actress for that matter... the way her entire appearance transformed at the flick of a switch was just visually stunning...
and the goldfishie!!!

now for a slight ache... well... i'm supposed to praise him lots... ha...
i must say that there definitely was this alfred hitchcock style tension to the entire piece... and honestly i was quite scared sitting there... the entire thing was so damn unsettling... especially seeing the vagrant guest just nonchalantly stride out the room... eerie even... reminds me also of the others... the last screaming, quasi-revelation part...
also... the way you acted leonard... your uneasiness and everything... it was so real and as a result... also so damn unsettling...

hmm... tangents... well nicole i have to say that you were very scary at first but by the end endearing to the audience... your character shed a much needed light to the sheer dreariness and commonness of the others... it is ironic yes... but in your character's mental state she is at once foolish yet with knowledge of what may be truly important, vulnerable and yet the one who is also a light for chitra's character in your childlike joys and tantrums...
and chitra... yes... even though i had not the slightest inkling of what the heck you were saying i could understand your character... and that's saying a lot...

yasmin as mina was brilliant... just brilliant... the entire thing was so... i don't know how to put it... she was clearly quite off her rocker... but the enthusiasm of her character was just so endearing to the audience... all that life and spirit... but equally brilliant was leon as her brother... the last part where he tries the mascara/radio was like the tour de force... it totally left a huge question mark there...
brilliant...

so all in all it was a wonderful show i must say... i loved it all... but i really can't put it all down here... the kabuki act... liang zhu... the musical... lynn's mono...
wish i could meet all of leonard's little friends and say hi and how much they did a good job and blah on and on...
ah well...
leave a tag kk...

and for all of you out there wondering what was i talking about... well you all missed a good show... haha... well... there's always next year...

and i must be going...
wouldn't want to scramble out of bed an hour late again tomorrow would we...
zzz...

hello everybuddy...
i am reminded of grover the blue monster from sesame street...
the scrawny one...
the one who looked as if his arms were mere scraps of fluffy blue cloth...
and the whole of his head was a fluffy blue ball chopped in half...
the one who smiles from ear to ear... literally...

it's funny how i'm now so lethargic and some people i'm talking to are really high...
like really... like on the fiftieth story of the new hdb at duxton...
bwahaha... here showcases a prime example of comical hyperbole...

just found out last night before collapsing in bed that there's no history assignment due on monday... which was probably what made me collapse on bed in the first place...
relief...

tired out of my wits last night... probably due to alumni practice where i was standing the whole time... and shouting above bloody noisy fans... but i like being tired like that... exhaustion from pursuing what you really like is different from fainting from the sight of an increasing marginal propensity for tutors to assign tutorials... and fainting again when trying to accomplish them...
i mean... why can't tutors tutor and do just that... i bet tutorials was a word stolen from some other function to euphemize homework...

and oh yar... i can't even call it work now cos i'm not in paid employment... which according to some... is the preferred definition of work...
thanks a lot yar... now i'm stuck with doing an ess-ache-eye-tee pile of stuff which i have no idea what to call... bloody semantics...

still... i'm slacking away... and i'm guilty... but i'm happy... cos i'm slacking away...
do you call this a vicious cycle...?
hmm...

anyways... i'm going off for me dinner soon... and then another night of theatre..
ain't it great...
my fleeting, ephemeral, life as a bohemian...
... who am i kidding...?

hmm...
what have we here...?

vjc tsd public performance...
really great... quite looking forward to sunday's show now... you know... for a minute there i was quite envious of them... up in the spotlight...
haha... me the great thespian...?
nah... i'll only succeed in comic relief... and not intentionally at that...
after all... i already chose music...

there's a great difference in those two arts... though brothers almost on the shared stage... after all music is to a certain extent introspective... the rendition of music for it's sake alone... to witness for a fleeting moment... the composer alive and vibrant in his legacy of sound...
theatre on the other hand is social... engaging in not only the artist but also the spectator... skills in one, attention in another, and response, emotion, even passion in both...

maybe that's why i'm also drawn to theatre... haha...
to fulfil the quiet, brooding me i have music as my cloak... but if i feel inclined towards being gregarious, social, outspoken... then i crave the spotlight... and ears to listen to me, eyes at rapturous attention...

i suppose i have to do it the amatuer way then...
LOOK AT ME!!! LOOK AT ME!!!
my one go at having the world staring at me... albeit in a peculiar mixture of fascination, humour and also pity for one craving attention so...

ah well...
had another go at the flute again...
piece for today... 6 Studies by Luigi Huges...
quite crazy i should say... but i like it... haha...
none of the deep, intellectual stuff of the Baroque, just plain old good romantic studies... so there's a good piece to brush up on technique... but also plenty of individualism inside there... unlike some other boring studies i know...
oh please... if i wanted to run aimlessly up and down scales i could have done that myself...

well well...
getting tired now...
zzz...

hmm... lets see now...

read Sandman: The Doll's House...
i think i really like that series... provocative... hmm... but the bloody thing goes at
$30 a book... there's something there in that series that makes one think... quite deeply too... about life, death, and all sorts of other stuff... but without the dreary bits of drawn out prose...

plus... i love goldie... everybody does...

ain't it just adorable...?
dearest baby gargoyle...
and to add to that... it's speech is so cute...
eeple and meeple... whatever it means...

haha...

i've got half the day off tomorrow... whee...
let's just conveniently forget the fact that it's supposed to be fully and efficiently utilised for studying now shall we...
i've still got a full day though... jammin' in the afternoon...
and VJ TSD performance in the evening...
all the best... if you're reading this at all...

oh by the way... i'm terribly bored right now... therefore... my posts will be boring...
it's the way of life... how the universe works...
however... the laws of the universe have never dictated that i stop blogging when people are in danger of lapsing into deep stupor when reading my blog... so there...

look... my point is this... this place is for me to rant and ramble... and not necessarily for your entertainment... so if you want interesting, stimulating, funny stuff... i can't guarantee that all the time... of course i try... being the nice guy that i am... ha... but sometimes all i want to do is just sit and type... anything...

ANYTHING.

there... got that out didn't i...
bwahaha...

anyways... sitting in front of the monitor, all alone at home now...
i like being alone at home... nice and quiet... (or noisy... if i deem fit...) and basically... i can talk to myself without my parents worrying that all the studying has burned me out... i can sing and dance without my folks rushing to call the exorcist... i never understood when people say that they can't stay home alone... or can't go out alone for that matter... but then and again not many people understand me do they...? haha...
personally i really enjoy going out and wandering around alone... not that i do that all the time... but it's really nice to just walk without motive... journey with no destination... which reminds me of something...

i remember once walking around from farrer road to somewhere around queenstown... all the way just seeing cars rush past on the highway... and stopping for a bite at some deserted macs...
(as far as macs can get deserted... if they really want to find life out there then they should just open a macs on mars... be a sure hit with dear ET i tell you...)
somewhere in walking around alone there's a really nice feeling and i don't know why more of us don't see it... then and again... when i told me friends some thought i was headed straight for the loony bin...

well they were wrong weren't they... look at me now... perfectly sane...
oh yes... sane...
sane...

ah what the heck... so what if someone's off their rocker...? i may be out of touch with reality... but i'm in touch with myself... and let me say that many can't do that... reach deep inside and see their painful little lives for all it's worth...

now where did that come from...?
haha... be off now...
shoo...

dawn broke over the land...

somehow those words sounded a whole lot nicer when i first penned them in some compo in sec 3... but with great thanks to a stupid bunch of friends... they made it into a song... (i can hear them singing now...) ceaselessly repeated it for weeks on end...
and now it totally stinks... so ended my creative writing career...

hmm... i think i miss writing compos...
definitely beats writing essays... to suspend one's sense of reality and engage in creative writing... i say it's something that needs to be done more often... ha... who cares if we all end up hare-brained... and writing all over the place without structure... much like someone we know...
hmm... now who is that...?

let's see now... some people have this knack of thinking i'm always immersed in depression... well... just to clear the air... (actually cos i have nothing much else to blog...)

i am by nature not always inclined to talk... i like silence and being alone as much as i like company... that means that when i'm quiet and alone and stuff... it doesn't mean that i'm depressed... it just means i wanna be silent... enjoy not talking for a while... sort of rest my mouth...
after all... i can't be letting slip the secrets of life, setting free my pearls of wisdom into the world all the time can i...
if i talk less... does it mean that since the supply of my words decreases... it's worth shoots up...? hmm...

in fact... i like silence and solitude a lot... there's something gratifying about being alone with your thoughts... and letting no one but yourself direct and guide the incessant flow of thoughts... which is why i like to stay up late...
i love the night when everyone is asleep but me... and the house is silent but for my footfalls... i suppose it's the effect of Roald Dahl on my childhood and now on me... he entranced me with the notion of the witching hour... when everybody... grown-ups and children are asleep and the creatures of the night walk the earth...

hmm... i used to stand by the window at night when the whole house was asleep and look out...
at the cars and people... and wonder who they were and where they were going and wonder also at the breadth and depth of life... so immense that one life simply isn't enough...
at the sky... and see the stars, the clouds, the moon... somehow the night sky gains clarity as the night progresses... almost as if it ironically gets darker and more transparent as dawn approaches...

sigh... can't stay up nowadays though... either i'm too tired or there's a busy day awaiting tomorrow... one that needs me to rest, sleep...

and oh by the way...
i'm now an ageless cyborg with a mysterious past of which the sordid details have unnecessarily been fabricated by the dear authors of the anime/manga/i-have-no-idea-what that i now star in...
thanks a bunch... apparently they took my words too seriously...
anyways... who am i to complain...? i'm on my way to immortality... whee...
one day when we are all old, dead and forgotten... these pages will still be floating around...
bwaha...

"At nightfall there is the beauty of drowned fields"
-Plath in 'Getting There'

ps... no i am not getting into the habit of putting a line or two of verse every time i sign out... it's just that fate recently has given me quite suddenly many beautiful lines to ponder over... so there...

ah well... big reminder:

My 'A' Levels Are In Four Months And I Should Stop Fooling Around.

just to freak myself out... i decided to post the entire schedule up...
really sorry if this results in hysteria, depression, suicide, temporary or permanent loss of sanity in some of you...

GP 1: 4/11. 8-9.30.
GP 2: 4/11 10-11.30.
Hist 1: 8/11. 2-5.
Hist 2: 22/11. 2-5.
Lit 1: 16/11. 2-5.
Lit 3: 24/11. 8-11.
Lit 8: 19/11. 2.30-5.30.
Econs 1: 22/11. 8-9.
Econs 2: 22/11. 9.30-11.15.
Econs 3: 17/11. 2-4.15.

hmm... there we have it...
sigh...

oh yar... hmm...

orchard in the night as the week dies...
the streets of orchard by moonlight...
twilight orchard...

i'm supposed to write something about 'orchard on a sunday night' but i'm really too tired to do so... as you can very well see from the crappy titles above...
and yes... not tired enough so that i stop spouting rubbish here and now...
sorry...

so spells the end of my creative writing career...
(actually it ended in sec 3 but let's not go there...)

let's see now...

it's the first day of school...
i'm tired...
i'm sick of school...
i'm whining...
all of you reading this think i'm just seeking attention...
some of you reading this think i need structure in my writing...
some of you think i shouldn't be writing in the first place...

and to do you that favour since i'm such a nice guy... (well ain't i...?)
i shall go sleep now...

"Good night, sweet prince, and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest."
- Horatio, in Shakespeare's 'Hamlet'.

sigh... school starts again tomorrow...
everybody seems to be down...
despite everything... we may be all depressed/pissed off/unhappy... yet we will inescapably trudge our way to school tomorrow at the crack of dawn...
why is it that we all are seemingly mindless against this system...?
if it's just me then don't let this affect your mood ok...

still plenty of stuff awaits to be done... school, choir, band... band again...
i'm busy... even before i step into school...

sigh... the time has come yet again for me to let go of some stuff and focus on other less interesting but undeniably more important stuff...
as always... i can't wait to go off... even if it means more time spent studying instead of singing my head off... i'm just really tired of the pressure and the work and everything... still... i know that once i step down and have nothing to do i will sorely miss the days spent running around doing stuff... interesting, albeit stressful stuff...

i'm very tired... ironically the times i'm most tired are when periods of rest come to an end... refreshed after a holiday my foot...
during the term we stress cos there's work and deadlines and everything... during the hols we stress even more cos the exams come right after that...
simply lovely innit...

sigh... i'm really sorry if this is just making people depressed...

sleep... something i really want to do right now... not exactly in the physical sense... more like in the sense of a disengagement from stressful and depressing conscious reality... that would be really nice...
sweet black oblivion...
and i can't even go to bed now without getting more stressed cos i know i will have to wake up tomorrow and trudge to school... paradoxical isn't it...?
i want to sleep... and yet sleep is the thing that will accelerate the ending of my carefree vacation... and steer me unstoppably towards a possibly very stressful and tiring tomorrow...

note i said possible...
well who knows...? maybe tomorrow will be a nice, pleasant day after all... we all must give ourselves a little something to cling on mustn't we...?
if not for that... i might just decide to lapse into permanent sleep apnoea later tonight...

what utter nonsense...

oh wait... i can see it coming now... righty... another episode of tonight with tuan hao... guest starring charlie...

tuan hao:

i'm so sad, i wanna die, i'm so sad, i wanna die...
sheesh... what happened to smell the flowers man...?

charlie:

oh please... don't you start mocking my misery now... you... you... all you do nowadays is sit in the back while the world takes another jab at me and mumble and sing and stare at the sky... who takes care of the mundane stuff...? who's there when there's trouble and stress...? ME.

tuan hao:

oh so you think it's easy now trying to keep a blockhead pessimist like you from killing all of us yar...? idiot ego stand up front and put up a big show of sadness, tragedy and drama... you're affecting us all! it's not just you here you know...
who takes care of the old ones...? the ones he's all forgotten about...? the great flautist...? the great conductor...? world idol champ...? who keeps them alive for the time when he really has to use them...? and how about the new ones... the ones he's just beginning to find out about...? nachtilera...? that one's still young... hardly knows a thing and he's already starting to spout depressing nonsense like you... i was here before you all... and i know deep inside he's a bright, sunny character... so don't go polluting our air...

charlie:

ha... acting the hero now are we...? well if you're so good then why don't you come out more often and smell the rotten flowers yourself...? all you do after all is come out just before the idiot sleeps and remind him of the old forgotten ones... remind him of the all the thing's he's almost given up on... give us all a break from you self-righteous zeal would you...?
maybe we'll all have a better life in his head if he'd stop bemoaning the fact that he's never doing what he really want's to... and you know how to get that done...? let him forget! forget all the big dreams... bury them away...
dreams... well can't you let them be just that...?

tuan hao:

idiot don't you get it...? the reason we're all here today's that he's still dreaming... still hoping... if he really acts on that suicidal streak you've been going on about we'll all be gone... yes all of us dead and gone and-

charlie:

well aren't we headed there anyway...? ha...

(fight ensues where charlie and tuan hao tussle... to the physical world, the body, now an arena for the mental joust... is seemingly intent on watching balls of dust gather at the letter 'M'... then a sudden spark in the eyes...)

ah well... i suppose i'd better be going off now shouldn't i...? been staring at the keyboard far too long... it needs cleaning now that i notice... the 'M' is seriously filthy...

ha... sleep apnoea... what was i thinking...? for some reason or another tomorrow don't look so bad after all... ah well...
off to bed i suppose...
zzz...

hahaha... it seems i haven't lost the post after all...
whee...
silly old me...

haha... see... life's not so bad after all is it...?

nighty...

ok... i just lost an entire post...

stupid com...

well... on the positive side... you've been saved the trauma of ploughing through my unending but nevertheless enthralling crap...

so there...
night...

The following may contain words, scenes that may be offensive to certain people looking for mindless entertainment alone. Included within are references to sombre, possibly depression-inducing content.
Reader discretion is advised.

grr... spent a good amount of time trying to get into blogger.com... bloody site seems to be down or something... had to weasel my way in in the end using links in the history bar...

lets see now...
my dad has managed to entice mom into the world of soccer... by ingeniously having her bet that Greece wins...
lovely family i have innit... this soccer fever thingy... seems to be terribly contagious...

well well...
went to jam yesterday afternoon... and yes i can see the scandalized looks on some of your faces... pretty ok i guess... i suppose it's good for me to occasionally be put in musical situations i'm not too familiar with... expand me horizons... that's what i'm doing...

then on to alumni practice last night... impressive i should say... yet i am always left totally befuddled by the lot of them... some of the simplest stuff seems to be out of their grasp... and yet they have no difficuty flying right through more complex pieces...
hmm... this has the effect of leaving me quite unsettled sitting there on the podium in front of the lot of them... firstly...i dunno whether or not to attempt deeper stuff... being terribly afraid that i'll just confuse everyone... and when i decide not to... there's a terrible pang of having given up on a potential shot at a very good show...
ah well... still the entire thing was pretty good on the whole... left me all smiles by the end of practice...

sigh... terribly withdrawn by the time i hit the covers though... always happens...
whenever i have a terribly good day doing stuff i really like i always end up depressed that i can't pursue what i really want to...
the one thing which cheers me up nowadays is music... and the one thing that makes me so depressed is also ironically it...
haha... reminds me of something i read... cheesy... but nice in it's own way...
what do you do when the only one who can stop the tears is the one who first made you cry...?

by the way the performance is on july 23rd...
just thought you might be interested... ha...

oh yar... just remembered...
had a weird dream... and it's all the more weird cos i almost never dream...

lets see now...
i was walking... in a sort of race i suppose... one of those marathon types...
(which means that i was either leading or lagging... the latter i think...)
and i was walking alone... and a snake... a really huge one at that came up behind me...
and i started running... and then it chased... and gave me two bites...
then i reached the end... and was directed to go see a doctor...
and the doctor... who i have totally no memory of... told me to bleed all the venom out... so i bled, bled and bled summore...
then i woke up... and i saw ugly splotches on my skin... and i thought that was cos i was pinching myself in my sleep...
and that was still the dream... and then i really woke up...

righty... all you budding psychics, Trelawneys, and Madam Ooglas... here's your chance to predict my rise to fame and fortune... future career as a beggar... or whatever your crystal balls, tea leaves or liver and entrails hold... even early, gruesome death...
dramatic forecasts with possible romance preferred...
manga/anime/comic inspired prophecies not welcome...

on a less interesting and more threatening note...
i also had a dream a few weeks back i would totally fail history again...
sigh...

which brings me to the next point...
schools opening...
sigh...

oh well...
i suppose the renewed activity in my life is a good thing after all...
can't lead a sedentary life can i...?
oh no... i should go out... whiff the fine perfume of roses...
feel the sunshine on my face...

yar right... i'm so gonna do that in school...
whee... mass PE here i come...

err... first let me settle the many tags in my tagboard yar...

man: Hey deep brooding char with a mysterious painful past, hand me your story so i can turn it into a manga and have loads of fan girls falling over you. Besides i can earn big bucks.

numero uno... i think me as a skinny, probably scantily clad manga character with weird, probably bright, secondary coloured hair would be more nightmare than idol material... so there...
number two... i do not want hordes of screaming fan girls falling over me... now i know that's rather a tall order given my dashing good looks and natural charm and wit...
but still...

ok... lets see now...

knk: reading entries is one thing. reading '...' punctuated ramblings is another. you really need structure man.

well... thanks for the advice... you know... cos i really wanted to do this... but i don't think so now... yar... i think i'll do as you say and just not do it...
oh do what you say...?

this...
hmm...
hmm again...
*rambling around without any structure*
rambles... clockwise now...
now the other way around...
rambles...
...
...

sorry lar yar... i've done enough organised writing in history, lit and econs that i think i deserve a break from it...
let my muses flow freely... see them flying round the place now...?
but on a less crazy note... i'm really sorry if this is giving you a headache but i really need this space to air my thoughts... serve as my Pensieve so to speak...
you know... be me...

and now the long long one from You-Know-Who...
actually you may Not-Know-Who but that's besides the point... just skip this in that case...

yes... i know it means a lot... and i'm really honoured that you want me to go see you perform... but i really can't skip practice now can i...? you know yourself the deplorable state they're in...
sorry again...
anyways... why don't you settle for a life less ordinary and like do theatre in singapore...? be a starving artist... mime on the streets... or paint yourself silver and stand stock-still in orchard... i dunno...
i'll probably pop by once in a while and drop a few coins in...
who cares if you can't earn enough to feed yourself...? live off your dreams man...
haha...

ok... now stop skipping...and put away those ropes...
this ain't no playground...

bwahaha... i remember when MOE tried to promote skipping in schools... i was in p4 i think...
what the heck were they thinking... the only thing it gave me was whip marks cross my shin...
and don't say it's my fault cos i don't have arm-leg coordination...
it's not me fault i was born with long legs... sigh... the curse of beauty...

ok... i think i'm not welcome now...
you may all go retch now while i go to bed...
'night...

well according to a friend of mine... he WANTS (that's how he put it) to see how long my blog lasts...
so excuse me while i blog with a vengeance...

well well... my dad's out cold from sleepless nights of soccer and my bro's out for another sleepless night of soccer... personally... if the soccer players all started chopping one another up with chainsaws... that's something (not that i would be surprised)... but i couldn't care less if singapore brought the world cup home...
and don't snap at me now and say it's the euro cup...
well i know that...
soccer schmoccer...

mum's reading the papers cos she's fed up two thirds the males in our house are either not at home or catatonic...
and don't snap at me now and say "i thought it's all the males...?"
see... psychic tentacles at work...

haha... but who am i to say a word...? i spent a good part of my life doing what many think is an unworthy pursuit... music schmusic... haha...
so go on a-kickin' guys... life's short...
and i'll be a-tootin on me flutti...

now what's gotten into me...? funny speech patterns... hmm...

whee... haha... finally... a test i passed with flying colours...

ah... new potter book's gonna be out soon... the Halfblood Prince...
now that would make a nice prezzie for christmas...
hint hint...
ah now a bigger one wouldn't do any harm would it...

H   H   IIIII   N   N  TTTTT

H   H     I     NN  N    T

HHHHH     I     N N N    T

H   H     I     N  NN    T    ..  ..  ..

H   H   IIIII   N   N    T    ..  ..  ..

bwahaha... why am i doing stuff like this in the witching hour...? i have no idea...

anyways... bored... haha... somehow or another the prospect of school opening seems so immensely far away and miniscule now... must be the effect of the late night upon me...
sky's lovely tonight... colour so uniform it looks almost fluid...
no stars though...?

what holds more beauty...? the stars or the night sky...? doesn't the night so dark you can't see anything... not even your own hands... hold a special, mysterious allure...?
what was it now... something in The Little Prince... something about stars...?
hmm...
ah well... can't remember now...

i suppose this sudden appreciation of the sky sans it's stars stems from a documentary on NGC bout how we'll all die terribly when the sun explodes and becomes a black hole or one strays into our universe... haha... ah well if we've got to go... we might as well go with a big bang...

well well... and what am i doing here...? this talk about sky and stars...?
sigh... reminders and memories...
why does it seem that everything i do alyays comes full circle...? cosmic karma i suppose... no matter where i go... i seem to always end up in the same spot...
well well... watching the skies... hmm...

oh by the way i am deliberately being vague and philosophical here so you will all think i'm a deep brooding character with a mysterious and painful past...

well have fun people... going off to better appreciate the night sky from the wndow by my bed...

ok... click around people...
the link at the bottom officially goes Nowhere...
check it out...

haha...
oh yes i'm damn bored...

okies... i thinks the things is settleds... see the left sides...?
nows everyones can sees it... nos mores problems... hahas...

lets trys havings esses wheres they'res least neededs... see whats happens...
maybes i'll sounds likes Harrys Potters spoutings parselstongues... hmms...

hmms...
hmmsss...

oh well... got bored of that... good riddance... didn't add a lot to my image and reputation did it...?
wouldn't want people to think i'm off my rocker now would i...

haha... i like the new pic... nice and interesting... reminds me of some art i saw hanging in a cafe once... chic...

hmm... now as a result of suddenly not going out with my friend... i ended up today not going out at all... other friends suddenly backed out on me see... ah well...
if you're reading this... look... the cosmos favours you... and has wreaked vengeance on my poor soul... what did you do...? call the furies upon me...? ha...

so as a result of Having Been Ditched Not Having To Do Anything i spent the day tutti tutti on me flutti flutti... fun fun and happy happy... and perish the thought right now... those amongst you whose brains are conjuring up all manner of ill-connected, unneeded connotations...

brought out some old pieces and tried them again... simply lovely...
felt so... connected... something i haven't felt in a long long time...
sigh... wish every time i picked up the instrument i could feel this way...
is it today...? or is it the piece...? or me...?

well well... i love JS Bach... BWV 1013, Partita per Flauto Traverso...
somewhere in that incessant flow of notes written 500 years past is something beautiful... so much that i am afraid, sometimes, of inaccurately rendering it...

heard that Mr Charlie-Now-Claims-I-Left-Music-For-Theatre... have you felt that way about music recently...?
haha... just do what you want to yar... it's a free world man...

dunno what else to say...
school starts again next week...
more than enough reason to commit suicude now... haha...
hmm... what shall it be then...?

a) wrists & water
b) pills in bed
c) bungled bungee
d) the evergreen silken noose

oh wait... i don't even have a beam in the ceiling to hang from...

ok... don't start calling SoS now... just joking yar...
just joking...

ok... assuming that what i did works out fine... you should see a messed up score to the left...

thanks to Johannes Brahms for the music... Ein Deutches Requiem... beautiful and sublime... what you see on the left would be the entrance of the choir... and thanks also to leonard for showing me in the right direction as to how to put it up... haha...

ah... i'm bored again... so i'm blogging... nonsense at that...
you better be happy i blog so much now... once the work starts piling up and we all drown you'll be glad for these pearls of wisdom... diamonds of divine knowledge... gold bars of glistening secrets that i now dish out... to guide your tormented days...

ha... who am i kidding...?

if my psychic tentacles are still keen... you'll be rolling yer eyes now...
ah well... at least humour me with a wee chuckle...?
that's better...

bwahahaha... someone get me a wheelchair for christmas... i'm so lame...

anyways... watched The Simpsons... mildly funny... but nice and warm and touching...
i swear only The Simpsons could pull off slapstick and emotional drama in one go...
then watched Cheers for pure slapstick...
haha... i love comedy...

ah... love the feeling of Not Having To Do Anything... as opposed to Being Buried In Garbage Bins Of Trash Work... but these times don't stay for long do they...?

well well... that's it for now... off to figure out how exactly to put up the bloody image... and preferably have everyone see it...

well... i tried... and i think it works...

leave a line and tell me if you see the graphic at the left hand side kk...
if it still doesn't work out... grr...

busy busy busy... trying to get something else up on this place...
hmm... let's see if it'll work...

ah well... i give up...

having spent the whole of last night trying to get some pics to spice things up a little around here... i find out in the morning more difficulties await...
another day perhaps...

for now... i'll just have to reckon with these empty walls...
how far minimalist can you go...? even the bloody thing's two dimensional...
then and again the thing does look quite cool yar...

but at least the tagboard's up... so have your say... blabber away...
make this place look more... err... lived in...
and less... shall we say... sterile...
hmm...

let's see now... read another neil gaiman comic last night... pretty cool...
Death: The High Cost of Living... spinoff from the sandman series...
and as if to underscore the fact that it's for an adult audience... Death herself in the last pages offers warnings about unprotected sex... ah well...

and before anybody has the mistaken idea that i'm all philosophical now and i read deep, complex works... i also read Tales From the Crypt yesterday...
cheesy stuff mainly... vamps, the swamp thing, and the like...
cheap thrills... remember watching it on the telly as a kid... haha...

and before anybody has the further impression that all i do all day is sit and blog... well... i should say that my exams ended yesterday... so for now that's basically all i'm inclined to do... haha...

ah... mid years... the calm before the storm i should say...

better be off now... i've got to go waste 40 minues of my precious time sitting for an NE exam... beat that...