so i spend the whole day typing the stupid essay... and then i go what...?
"oh yar... the printer's out of ink..." damn it...

oh well... i shall go to school tomorrow and donate money to the library to print the essay out...
but are the computers in the library up and working...? damn it...

ah... tired... and for the sake of continuing a pattern... damn it...

haha...
'night...

i'm back now... ah... long one to go... somehow i managed to write plenty when i was away...

1)
so i'm sitting at the patio outside the hotel room now... it's almost picture perfect... sand, stars, solitude... creaking swings in the distance... creepy... yes... but ultimately very beautiful... we should invest in less street lighting and let the stars fire up the imaginations of everyone... i mean... look at this place... the sky's not exceptionally clear... but i see stars i've never seen at home... ah... for want of darkness to see the beauty of natural starlight...

on another note... left the house at seven and checked in at eight... post meridian... the journey wasn't exceptionally long... oh no... it's thanks to the two hours in the jam at checkpoint and another four hours wasted plying the beach looking for accommodation for the night... that leaves six hours on the road and one for meals... haha... oh well... it's not the destination... but the journey that counts... now who said that...?
the only thing spoiling the night now are the man talking at the top of his voice next door... and my discman skipping at all the nice parts... oh well... can't win 'em all can you...?

on my first impressions on seeing the beach...
the sky's a washed-out blue... almost as if it were pure white but with the slightest hint of blue... a mirror reflecting azure sea but screened by the clouds...
and the sea... how can i forget that...? the colour of steel... mixed with grey... and with the final hint of greenish-blue... the colour of jade... swirled into molten silver and the mother-of-blackest-pearls... now don't be mistaken that it's dirty... far from it... it's probably cleaner than most... that colour... it's the colour of the deep and timeless ocean... to quote James Horner...

ah... now for my favourite part... sunset... now imagine for a moment that you can see a sunset... without the sun... you see... i'm on the east coast... and the sun sets in the west... almost two hundred kilometres off...
so the sky deepens in it's regular sequence... but without the scorching sun to hasten the gradations... so the great white-blue deepens to azure... and the whole sky becomes a sea... no great whirlpool of gold to upset the palette... and the sea changes again...now tinged with blood... and in a few moments... tinged with the first drops of early night... so the penultimate scene opens... full, grand, infinite... purple... the colour of beautiful sunset... washed across the entirety of the heavens... covering even the sun... and imperceptibly but quickly... it all disappears to night...
ah... beauty and brevity... which one engenders the other...?

silence now...

2)
i'm sitting before the pool now... and just off it's the South China Sea... i suppose i'd appreciate the sound of the waves and gentle trickling of the pool better if my ears weren't clogged up with a mixture of seawater and chlorine... ah well...

the beach at night can be pretty scary... it's an infinite blackness... one stretching off to the deep sea's secrets... and the other the infinite black universe... and both perfect mirrors of each other... surf on one... clouds on the other... ships on one... starlight for the other... if i swim out now... will i meet my black familiar...?

spent the day at the beach... or the pool... actually alternating between both... it's been a long time... not since i was five or six... that i've seen waves so strong they knock me over... in that small instance... where sea and humans tease each other... there lies a painful... stark truth... man is weak... the sea may nourish... feed and guide us... but it is no mother... the sea... she is brutal... tempestuous sister of the Ice Queen... she who has sharks for icicles and stinging poison for biting ice... and to match every bit of glacial beauty... her lies masked in the sound of wave on shore... and her infinite mirror to borrow the beauty of the entire heavens...

oh... but love can be foolish... and Cupid may yet make sport of men... the sea still holds my heart... even when one knows the sheer futility of Hope... and sees Love take it's dying breath... Longing... Longing half-sister to Love and Hope... mourns their passing... and in the heart she will remain... till Hope awakes again... and Love is given life... like warm grey embers when wind breathes upon them...

where will my journey end...?

"journeys end in lovers meeting"
-Shakespeare, 'All's Well that Ends Well'

3)
oh well... tomorrow i'll be making my way back... end of a holiday... well at least this one's better than some others...

switched resorts today... me folks said they wanted to try out... see which one's better... well... for the record the former was... so there... haha...

so i'm sitting at the balcony now... looking down at the pool... and the final groups of diners finishing and leaving the poolside restaurant... no stars tonight...the clouds came in the evening... as i was dozing by the poolside... and now they still hang in the sky... oh well... it gives a totally different perspective to the night sky... something i'll never see at home... a darkness so fluid and engulfing that i seems to descend upon the earth... masking roofs and treetops... yes... you could say that the night is so deep... you can't see where it begins and land, sea, and earth end...

i realize one thing bad about taking a vacation... you if you dare to dream in a perfect life... such as that in a holiday... you awake expecting too much from life... you half-hear the voice of a certain someone calling in the sea-borne wind... you find yourself looking forward to a slow stroll on the beach as night sets in... but that walk is not to be... at least not in the manner... not with the one... that you first... and most earnestly dreamed of...
if warmth of flesh cannot be... then the raggy shawls of memory will have to suffice... won't it...?
the wind that blows here is no different form any other... yet i can feel the hope in it... why...? distance...
one's hope... ironically... grows with distace... standing beside the one that means the most... but being reciprocated with painful nonchalance... that heralds despair and desolation... but go off further... put the mass of land and sea in between... and one finds hope springing alive once again... after all... in that few days incommunicado... hearts may change... one may reasonably expect to receive a few small surprises on the journey... and final reaching home...
so i'll return tomorrow... perhaps to take up where i left off... perhaps to a new beginning... but most likely to continue waiting...

congratulations... you've gotten to the end of it all... the original autograph manuscript of the above is available...

haha...
'night...

hello...

well... i'm off in a few hours time... have fun everybody... i shall be finding out the effects of potentially depressive... but also very beautiful literature combined with a seven hour car ride...

have fun everybody...
this is a good chance to flood my tagboard...

hello...

i had wanted to talk about literature... ah... but well... can't bring myself to look deep into Plath again... i might just sink into interminable depression... the sheer power of her words...
and mind you... i'm not saying that her works are hallmarks of beaty... oh no... far from that... the sheer horror and brutality of her words is what shocks... there are of course moments of true beauty... precariously suspended... but then and again... is not their beauty partly a product of the fact that they occur so infrequently in her writings...?

do not endlessly tag on my blog about Plath... this is not... i repeat not... a forum for you to discuss her work...
comments about me... me and me alone... are on the other hand most welcome... it's always about me ain't it...?

haha... ah well... we should all indulge in a little ego... it's called self-affirmation... works wonders... really...

on another note... tonight was an unusually clear night... i could for once see that stars really do shimmer and twinkle... kinda sad that i have to experience this for real only when i'm eighteen... oh well... better late than never...
anyway... pretty sight... and i think i'm quite lucky... walking out of the house in the morning i can see venus... and walking back i can see her as she sets into the evening horizon... haha... little graces to light my day...

it's getting late... but not late enough... haha... i have to sleep nonetheless... did you know that the required time of sleep for us is 9.2 hours everyday...?
wow... imagine my life if i could do that...

sometimes... life throws us the smallest glimmers of hope... almost as if mocking our human... and thus infinite penchant for hope... yet with all the knowledge to rival perhaps even nature... wisdom that is our claim as the one of the few enlightened species of the planet... we still foolishly hold on to love and hope... the greatest intangibles with the greatest power...

'nighty everyone...

'lo...

i blame it on my birthright... pisceans are dreamers... straddling past recollections and future dreams... but seldom rooted in the present... but then and again... who cares if i'm a dreamer...? dreams... fantasy... memory... what happens when they all blur into one fantastical illusion...?

you go mad... that's what...

anyways... my mood's swinging around... haha... see this way now... and saw another in about seven minutes and thirty-two point five seconds... and so on so forth... but all largely unpleasant...
the moon has waxed past its pregnant peak... and we all go slightly mad... hmm... maybe i suffer from mild lycanthropy...
howl...

lame yar... ah well... just feeling generally cranky... not depressed... as some people have observed of me...
no... i'm not depressed... just moody... slight difference there... fine distinction... firstly and most importantly... (to you all at least...) is that moody... can mean the kind that makes people swoon at my knees...

or at least most people...

sigh... so many things to say that i can't find words for... not in writing... nor in poetry... and alas... not even in my solace of music... or rather... the emotions well up when i'm alone and helpless with no way to seek expression... but sitting down now... i find no such inspiration to write... traitorous heart...

ah well... in pining i hope i'll find my pinetree...

"I’d watched the sorrow of the evening sky,
And smelt the sea, and earth, and the warm clover,
And heard the waves, and the seagull’s mocking cry.

And in them all was only the old cry,
That song they always sing—“The best is over!
You may remember now, and think, and sigh,
O silly lover!”
And I was tired and sick that all was over,
And because I,
For all my thinking, never could recover
One moment of the good hours that were over.
And I was sorry and sick, and wished to die.

Then from the sad west turning wearily,
I saw the pines against the white north sky,
Very beautiful, and still, and bending over
Their sharp black heads against a quiet sky.
And there was peace in them; and I
Was happy, and forgot to play the lover,
And laughed, and did no longer wish to die;
Being glad of you, O pine-trees and the sky!"
- Rupert Brooke, 'Pine-Trees and the Sky: Evening'

hello...

a short one for today... all the late nights are catching up on me...
i shall sleep early today... a rare treat... paid for in tomorrow's guilt... but then and again...
tomorrow's tomorrow isn't it...? ah...

sigh... tired... like i've never really felt before... so tired even sleep is sadly inadequate... and the sheets are too cold... too lonely anyway... i'm sorry people if i'm writing confusing depressing stuff... but it is my place after all...
when was the last time i could just turn around and find a ready rest for my burdens...? it's really tiring sometimes... facing the world all the time... seeing and dealing with what people think of me... or what i should be doing... or doing things that i don't really want to do in the first place... taking lead and assuming responsibility...
once... that was all... when i could just be myself and enjoy it... shrinking my personality and just letting someone else take the limelight... the lead... while i just sit around... contented with following...
even that too couldn't last... ah well...

sleep beckons...

hello...

haha... cactus heaven... that's a comforting thought...

this is bewildering... i am hardly into the new week and i'm exhausted... if i didn't know better i would think i'm suffering from some weird disease... like anaemia or something like that...
hmm...

still... i insist on the late nights... haha... hopefully i'll stay long enough to get my mind so clouded over so that when i lapse into sleep i can easily slip into fantasy and dream... or long enough that it starts raining again... then i'll go sleep curled up in my fleece blanket... and dream...
i can hear the crickets call now... and the occasional toad... the nightscape is fascinating... so sensual... wet grass... chirp and croak... the sound of the world so alive while we all slumber...

ah... before i forget... i will be gone over the weekend... up till the next tuesday... so don't come here looking for updates and getting all disappointed when my voice can't be seen gracing your life... i'll be back... don't worry...
on the other hand... if you think you want to flood my tagboard with meaningless... potentially slanderous stuff... then's the best time...
have fun everybody... waiting or flaming as the case may be... ha...

was looking through all my old stuff today... looking for some notes gone missing... and guess what i found... old essays... goodness... some of that stuff i wrote last year deserve only one position... the landfill... how on earth i wrote like that before i cannot fathom...
it's quite humbling you know... looking through your old stuff... keeps you grounded in the knowledge that no matter how good you are now... you weren't born a genius... with the exception of those pesky... intellectually gifted people...

haha... getting bitter are we...?

and the day's approaching... ah well... i know nobody knows what i'm talking about but i write it anyway because it's true...
it's been a long time... and somehow i don't think things have changed on my side of the world... somehow everytime chance presents itself... its just passing... yet lingering... anticipated and yet tinged with resignation... like as if that chance were the last i would ever get... somehow hope and waiting have twined their tender stems into my life...
it's not that i'm bitter or anything... i just want to sleep as i did in days gone by...
go back across the bridge and take another walk...
take the bus back to where i came from...

no i'm not depressed... just sad...

"Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
Write, for example, 'The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.' "
-Pablo Neruda 'Tonight I can write the saddest lines'

my cactus died... so there's the very last one of them now gone to nothing... back to mother earth from whence it first was begotten... bloody hell...
now i have three empty earthen pots sitting on my windowsill with little bits of rotting cactus in them... i don't have green fingers and here's the living proof of it... pun intended...

anyway... got a new cover for my phone... now it looks space age... and that's not exactly flattering... looks like something Spock would use...

and my tagboard seems to be down... so everybody hold all your words of adoration and praise till it's up again ok...

was raining furiously today... i realise that where the wind and rain are so equally strong... it rains in waves... almost like there's a sea suspended in mid-air and the torrents are waves... surf breaking wherever the wind falters... and the trees... symbols of strength and will... just dance to the howl like clinging seaweed...
only buildings... those remain like rock and coral... rigid and immobile... but unlike coral... have no organic beauty... just cold brick and mortar... glass and steel...

nonetheless... i still like the rain...

the pregnant sky is an awe inspiring sight... clouds so dense that they seem within human reach... as if all you had to do was reach out... and the sky... heavied and thus brought down from airy heights... would be at your fingertips... maybe that's why rain has become such fascination in so many cultures...not only is there life-giving water from the sky... rain is a communion between heaven and earth...
so is evaporation you may say... ah... but can we see evaporation at work...? all we can do is see water disappear and guess... see the part and infer the whole...

ah... just finished a word puzzle on 'easy going'... took me 49:57... ironically... looking for 'becalmed' was anything but becalming... ah well... whee...

haha... i shall be off now...
zzz...

hello...

what shall i say... hmm...

oh yes... read Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere... i realized that if you want to write a novel and have it sell... there's a scheme... and a rather fixed one at that... to follow...

Tom/Dick/Harry Potter (delete where applicable) gets thrown into the world of The Enchanted Forest/Wizarding London/London Sewers/Disneyworld and finds out he's part of the elite Pixie/Sewer Alligator/ Ridiculous Helium Voiced Cartoon/Wizard class... so he goes to find out more from The Boss/The Angel/Head Wizard/Mother Alligator and is directed to find/kill/spy on The Infamous Snake Eye Pale Face/Missing Miscellaneous Jewellery/The Alligator Skin Louis Vuitton Purse/Mickey's Ears in order to save the entire world and at the same time guarantee himself safe passage Back To The Real World/In The Other World... he way he finds a trusty sidekick(s) to guide him... (optional double-crossing here)... and finally finds what he set out for... but he's totally confused as to how it all works out and suddenly the Hooded Guy/Green Fairy/Man In Suit appears and helps him out and Mysteriously Disappears/Turns Out To Be The Misunderstood Bad Guy...

and so on so forth...

ah well... maybe that's why... as i have previously demonstrated... i should not go into creative writing... haha...

ah... as i write the day has passed.... and i'm already more than an hour into the new day and month... so tired... i just wanna forget everything and just sleep... haha...
maybe that's why i'm looking forward to my trip out later next week... just days of lazing around and feeling rich... ah... lets see if relaxation does me in or makes me...

on another note... (a B double-sharp i think...)
life's getting boring... everything's over... there's nothing much left to do other than mug... ah well... let's hope time does pass fast... then i'm off to play at soldiers...
whatever...

this post is the only barely reasonably respectably long enough this week... and yes the consecutive adjectives were intended...

zzz...