a very exhaustive (in content and to read) analysis of my birthday and name...
interesting...
i am now convinced that i am not alone in my verbosity...

credits go to PaulSadowski.Com for the name and birthday analyses...


Your date of conception was on or about 19 June 1985.
You were born on a Wednesday under the astrological sign Pisces.
Your Life path number is 3.

The number 3 Life Path is one that emphasizes expression, sociability, and creativity as the lesson to be learned in this life. Here we are apt to find the entertainers of the world, bright, effervescent, sparkling people with very optimistic attitudes. A truly gifted 3 possesses the most exceptional creative skills, normally in the verbal realm, writing, speaking, acting, or similar endeavors. The lesson to be learned with a 3 life path is that of achievement through expression. The bright side of this path stresses harmony, beauty and pleasures; of sharing your creative talents with the world. Capturing your capability in creative self-expression is the highest level of attainment for this life path. The characteristics of the 3 are warmth and friendliness, a good conversationalist, social and open. A good conversationalist both from the standpoint of being a delight to listen to, but even more importantly, one who has the ability to listen to others. Accordingly, the life path 3 produces individuals who are always a welcome addition to any social situation and know how to make others feel at home. The creative imagination is present, if sometimes latent, as the 3 may not be moved to develop his talent. The approach to life tends to be exceedingly positive, however, and your disposition is almost surely sunny and open-hearted. You effectively cope with all of the many setbacks that occur in life and readily bounce back for more. It is usually easy for you to deal with problems because you can freely admit the existence of problems without letting them get you down. You have good manners and seem to be very conscious of other people's feelings and emotions. Life is generally lived to the fullest, often without much worry about tomorrow. You are not very good at handling money because of a general lack of concern about it. You spend it when you have it and don't when you don't.

On the negative side, a 3 may be so delighted with the joy of living that the life becomes frivolous and superficial. You may scatter your abilities and express little sense of purpose. The 3 can be an enigma, for no apparent reason you may become moody and tend to retreat. Escapist tendencies are not uncommon with the 3 life path, and you find it very hard to settle into one place or one position. Guard against being critical of others, impatient, intolerant, or overly optimistic.

Typically, the life path 3 gives an above-average ability in some art form. This can encompass painting, interior decorating, landscaping, crafts, writing, music, or the stage, or all of the above. You are apt to be a happy, inspired person, constantly seeking the stimuli of similar people. Your exuberant nature can take you far, especially if you are ever able to focus your energies and talents.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2446501.5.
The golden number for 1986 is 11.
The epact number for 1986 is 19.
The year 1986 was not a leap year.

As of 10/22/2005 12:35:20
You are 19 years old.
You are 235 months old.
You are 1,023 weeks old.
You are 7,164 days old.
You are 171,948 hours old.
You are 10,316,915 minutes old.
You are 619,014,920 seconds old.
You are 2.80391389432485 dog years old.
There are 141 days till your next birthday on which your cake will have 20 candles


There are 10 letters in your name.
Those 10 letters total to 34
There are 5 vowels and 5 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 7
The characteristics of #7 are: Analysis, understanding, knowledge, awareness, studiousness, meditating.

The expression or destiny for #7:
Thought, analysis, introspection, and seclusiveness are all characteristics of the expression number 7. The hallmark of the number 7 is a good mind, and especially good at searching out and finding the truth. You are so very capable of analyzing, judging and discriminating, that very little ever escapes your observation and deep understanding. You are the type of person that can really get involved in a search for wisdom or hidden truths, often becoming an authority on whatever it is your are focusing on. This can easily be of a technical or scientific nature, or it may be religious or occult, it matters very little, you pursue knowledge with the same sort of vigor. You can make a very fine teacher, or because of a natural inclination toward the spiritual, you may become deeply emerged in religious affairs or even psychic explorations. You tend to operate on a rather different wavelength, and many of your friends may not really know you very well. The positive aspects of the 7 expression are that you can be a true perfectionist in a very positive sense of the word. You are very logical, and usually employ a quite rational approach to most things you do. You can be so rational at times that you almost seem to lack emotion, and when you are faced with an emotional situation, you may have a bit of a problem coping with it. You have excellent capabilities to study and learn really deep and difficult subjects, and to search for hidden fundamentals. At full maturity you are likely to be a very peaceful and poised individual.

If there is an over supply of the number 7 in your makeup, the negative aspects of the number may be apparent. The chief negative of 7 relates to the limited degree of trust that you may have in people. A tendency to be highly introverted can make you a bit on the self-centered side, certainly very much self-contained . Because of this, you are not very adaptable, and you may tend to be overly critical and intolerant. You really like to work alone, at your own pace and in your own way. You neither show or understand emotions very well.

Your Soul Urge number is: 3
A Soul Urge number of 3 means:
With the Soul Urge number 3 your desire in life is personal expression, and generally enjoying life to its fullest. You want to participate in an active social life and enjoy a large circle of friends. You want to be in the limelight, expressing your artistic or intellectual talents. Word skills may be your thing; speaking, writing, acting, singing. In a positive sense, the 3 energy is friendly, outgoing and always very social.

You have a decidedly upbeat attitude that is rarely discouraged; a good mental and emotional balance.

The 3 Soul Urge gives intuitive insight, thus, very high creative and inspirational tendencies. The truly outstanding trait shown by the 3 Soul Urge is that of self-expression, regardless of the field of endeavor.

On the negative side, you may at times become too easygoing and too optimistic, tending to scatter forces and accomplish very little. Often, the excessive 3 energy produces non-stop talkers. Everyone has faults, but the 3 soul urge doesn't appreciate having these pointed out.

Your Inner Dream number is: 22
An Inner Dream number of 22 means:
You dream of being a master organizer and a builder of monumental projects; of guiding a truly huge endeavor. Your secret fantasy is to think big and imagine what could be done for the world. You may also dream of the huge rewards.

i don't think anyone got here...
i didn't...
haha...

hello dahlings...

i've been beseiged by comments these days that i don't write anything that makes any sense at all...

there's a lot i have to say... about that...

and in general i'm just a talkative person...

but lets just address the abovementioned "about that"...
i talk to myself regularly... and when i do so the dialogue is often volatile and meandering in its myriad topics... this, however, is by no means indicative of a mind entrenched in madness...

my musings here... thus... are just verbatim copies... sometimes... of what goes on within my mind...
more often than not i try to censor and make some sense out of it so that you plebeian people can have a glimpse of what's going on in up-there...

but sometimes i go on a frenzy and i just let loose everything i have to say...

also... there's this little issue of what i want this place for... why i keep filling these pages with endless crap...
it's cos i think that i would want to remember what i was like as a person... so that i can look back and see how i've changed over time...

rather than keep a log of my daily activities...

two things...
uno... i don't have much daily going-ons that are fantastically interesting... if there are chances are i would write about them... work doesn't count...
and duo... if i wanted to rememer what i did... i could always visit the blogs of my friends who might just do a what-i-did-today and carry it off with far more style and panache than i could ever imagine to carry...

like if i did a what-i-did-today it would likely look like the log of a hired assassin who's been tailing me to gain precious information on my habits...

thus rather than tell everybody how i spent the day i think it would be more interesting (to me and only me it seems but what the heck) to write about my current mental state...

then when i come back again in months time it will be like i'm talking to myself from the past and i can see what i was like before... (and now i've done this before and most of the time i cringe when i read what i've written...)

haha... so there...

I walked the village at four o'clock

It was raining then, I remember. No, wait,
the rain had just exhausted itself, spent and lame. But
the sun-baked ground still wanted its
deception of softness, and called back the sulphurous spirits
of just-dead rain, clouding, mulling, till the ground was
a lake, shimmery, misty. Those silent twirls screamed at their
steaming resurrection.
And just beside this open ground,
newborn mice lay limp on flower stalks,
lost in bushes. They had skin like petals, pregnant
with fur; they were content consumed by
lidded oblivion, their eyelashes slivers like sickles
guarding the gates to those full round orbs of wonderment.
But they were sleeping, but they were sleeping. And I walked on,
and saw the buildings around me all shut up and
huddled, like galaxies, light-years
between each cluster, and
I was there in the middle. Even in their groups each building
was a star, apart from another at a distance
only stars know, and I was there, the
lone hut in the village. I was cold, the wind was
mourning the dead rain. But even then its death-dances were
lifting those very spirits up. It will rain again, and then the mice will
awaken and their eyes, beautiful eyes, will gaze in
lovely wonderment.

User advisory. The following material is highly unstable, the product of a mind of questionable sanity. Proceed with caution and the author takes this chance to indemnify and absolve himself of any guilt that may arise out of harm, mental, bodily or in any other form, that may befall the reader in the process of, and as a result of the perusal of this document.

(cheesy opening music)

ello everybody...

goodness i'm in so many moods today...

like i'm bimbotic one moment... then i'm quiet and thoughtful... then i'm just plain mad...
then like i'm hyper... then paranoid... then i'm moody...

then i'm...
then i'm...

the echoes of my person shimmer across my memories...

and of course at some point or another i'm just totally melodramatic...
and to bad effect...

like now...

anyways...
i've just realised...

like seriously just...

just realised just right now that i used...

err what was it now... oh yar right...
that i just used "just" more than five times in the last few lines...

eh wait no...

oh yes...

i just (see! just again!) realised that i use "anyways" so liberally that i should just (and another!) use a line... or numbers... to mark where one bit of my ramblings start and another begins...

like before "anyways" just starts to rot and fester from overuse...

anyways...
(argh!)

i just (ding!) realised that i ramble incoherently and get totally sidetracked and flit from topic to topic with the attention span of a butterfly that had goldfish for parents and grew up watching too much tv...

and oh did you know that goldfish don't really have short attention spans it just (oh well i just (grr.) give up.) seems so cos we all they think that they'd get bored in their little bowls but actually they do focus and they can actually remember their owners and will swim expectantly for food when they see their owners approaching...

and seriously... i really wonder why...

wonder wonder wonder...
(wonder why i ramble so much... not wonder about goldfishes' attention spans...)

anyways...

since i had an "and oh did you know" moment i might as well go on an "and oh did you know" spree...
so...

and oh did you know that "cobweb" has its roots in the Middle English word "coppe" meaning spider...?

oh and did you know that "coppe" is short for the Old English "attercoppe"... from "ator", meaning poison, and "copp", meaning head...?

yes maybe the reason i ramble is cos i'm just writing to pass time...

and cos i don't really abide by writing about how i spent the day... not anymore... i remember i used to... that was like so yesterday... and so tacky... but basically not many days nowadays have much interesting going ons for me to write about anyways...
but i love reading about what goes on in other people's days (the juicy bits of course)... it's always so much more interesting than my life...

and so as i was saying...
i ramble is cos i'm just writing to pass time...
and thus... you... my loyal reader...

you have to suffer my intolerable idiosyncrasies...

(talk about melodrama...)

(dramatic pause.)

but nana-nana-na-na i don't care!

i'm so gonna get murdered one of these days.

hello...
top of the news today...


Heart of Glass


What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by Quizilla


ooh...
i have a heart of glass...

and at risk of sounding terribly cheesy...

once broken considered sold...
aww...

fawn fawn fawn...
over me me me...

goodness... i can be such a bimbo at times...
i should really stop now shouldn't i...?

well nighty then...

courtesy of leonard's blog, which was ripped from corrie's blog (which was ripped from dawn's)

Seven things that scare me:
1) being loveless (which, as i must point out, is far different from being sad and single.) ie. not loving anyone and not being loved by anyone.
2) slugs
3) stepping on snails (i think snails are cute. just not getting crunched anywhere near my foot.)
4) that the entire universe might just be a completely random occurrence
5) becoming an apathetic, ignorant person
6) being lost
7) waking up one day and finding myself deaf and mute, or paralysed, or mentally incapacitated

Seven things I love the most:
1) love (yes you read it right. i love love. in all it's myriad forms.)
2) music
3) God (yes God, though not necessarily in the religious sense. in the sense that there has to be someone in charge out there)
4) chocolate
5) hugs and kisses (fine. go ahead and laugh.)
6) singing
7) stars (the ones in the sky.)

Seven important things in my room:
1) paper and pen
2) telephone
3) books
4) flute
5) computer
6) bed (oh yes. i'm a veritable pig.)
7) hi-fi

Seven random facts about me:
1) i talk to myself (or at times it seems directed to various plants and animals but it's mostly just me)
2) i let people trample all over me (and that's quite fine by me. i can live with it.)
3) i dislike it when people say i should stand up for myself (i do. i stand up for my right to help others at my own expense.)
4) when i'm all witty and talkative deep inside i want to be quiet and introspective (and vice-versa. fine i have identity issues. but i can accept this duality; people should embrace the fact that we can never have just one persona.)
5) in formal situations, i'm particular about the quality of English that i read and hear
6) i procrastinate when i don't particularly fancy the task at hand (and yes i'm ashamed of it.)
7) i look at people when they aren't looking and think about what they're thinking

Seven things I plan to do before I die:
1) study music professionally
2) fall hopelessly (and hopefully mutually) in love (i'm such a sap.)
3) see the aurora borealis
4) get someone to show me all the constellations in the sky (seeing that i'm totally lost by myself and all i can see are Orion and the Southern Cross)
5) do something creative, something that isn't superficial (if someone publishes my blog it's one off the list. publish as in Penguin or Heinemann. not Angsana.)
6) get a house
7) write a will (the kind that tells people what i want them to hear after i'm gone not the kind that divides my fortune.)

Seven things I can do:
1) play the flute
2) write (both creatively and critically)
3) sing (or at least i think so. whatever.)
4) laugh, or at least smile at the smallest things, when i need it most (that God for that.)
5) cry (oh yeah. you should see me at the movies. sappy ones of course.)
6) dive (as in scuba, not blindly)
7) make a complete fool of myself (at times completely unwittingly.)

Seven things I can't do:
1) draw for nuts
2) handle written Chinese (yes i'm such a shame.)
3) stay angry
4) get over sadness
5) like sports
6) talk about sex without euphemizing (i'm such a prude at times.)
7) math (like totally.)

Seven things I say the most:
1) hello
2) nighty (this only when messaging)
3) huh? (i realise i do this to make people repeat themselves even when i got what they said the first time. don't ask why.)
4) okayyy (spoken with an upward lilt. can be used in agreement or in patronising someone.)
5) tsk (almost a standard when i'm cornered in an argument. or when i'm being insulted)
6) the name of the person i'm talking to and unfortunately irritated with (spoken with narrowed eyes, used as a sentence, with a pause after it.)
7) like

ello all...

quick note #1: i have turned on word verification for comments my blog... this is after i've received comments telling me how interesting my "articles" are and how i should pop by to such-and-such a website to check out their latest discounted products...

which are anyways of a rather unrespectable nature...

so from now on when you want to comment... please humour the computer when it plays that three year-old kids' game of asking you to type out exactly what's the bloated, distorted nonsense word in the little blue box...

at risk of lying to everybody by having quick note #1 ramble into not-so-quick note #1... i shall conclude it and go into today's post proper...

hello there everybody...

ooh everybody please go listen to The Last Time by Eric Benet...
me listening to it was like placing sweet, dark chocolate to bask under the warmth of the sun...
and melt...

...

there was a moment of horror there...

i've been sitting on my rump (and well in other less glamorous positions) reading Stephen King's Desperation the whole day...
the image of melting chocolate... when applied to people... didn't have the exact effect i intended...

but i suppose it's just me...

moving on...

i've realised that i'm hopelessly butterflying around when it comes to university courses now...
well i know what i'm not going to do... but heck...

i don't know what i want...

at times like this when i'm so deeply entrenched in what i'm doing at the current moment... university seems so far off my fickleness becomes laughable...

and poetic...

somehow... i think so...
maybe one of those people who are really studying now and have a better idea of what's poetic can tell me if it is...

moving on again...

goodness i'm on a streak tonight and i'm just going on and on and on...
i'm moving through what i've got to say so fast i can almost imagine some anonymous teacher-figure marking out huge chunks in red ink and writing develop this point! in huge underlined scrawls...

much like my essays back in school...

anyway i was just going to say that sometimes i go on so fast and write so much that i just feel that i'm banging my head against the wall...
much like the metaphorical tormented artist...
metaphorically speaking...

and finally... i've run out of things to say... and so i've saved this for the last part where i hope people who skip this entire post just to come to the end will at least read this...

well actually there's nothing else i have to say...
bwahahaha...

gotcha...

ello!

whee i finally have material to blog about...

"I close my eyes and see a flock of birds. The vision lasts for a second or maybe less; I do not know how many birds I saw. Was its number definite or indefinite? This problem involves the existence of God. If God exists, the number is definite, because God knows how many birds I saw. If God does not exist, the number is indefinite, because no one could have kept count. In this case, let's say I saw less than ten birds and more than one, but I did not see nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, or two birds. I saw a number between ten and one, which is not nine, eight, seven, six, five, etc. That integer is inconceivable, ergo, God exists."
- 'Argumentum Ornithologicum' by Jorge Luis Borges

this courtesy of Yvonne who showed me this problem to me from her Analytical Skills assignment...

and so i was like:

Regarding the first part of the argument, on counting. Counting and definition have no real connection to the existence of God. Whether or not God exists, there will be a number to the birds; we cannot say that if there is no one to count, then the number is indefinite, because it is not. It is indefinite only to us.

The second part of the argument draws a connection between God and the inconceivable. It is common to link God and religion with the inconceivable as both are acts of faith, faith being belief in that which cannot be proven. So it basically argues that if one saw birds, of a certain number that does not exist, to us, or in our surrent system of logic and thought, it is inconceivable, and thus proves the existence of God.

And this is where the argument fails. If it is inconceivable, is it not also indefinite? We equate an indefinite number with the non-existence of God do we not? Therefore, the two arguments, in being nestled so closely in theme and subject, are in conflict with with each other.

well well... it is after all the Argument of the Birds...

that was amazingly refreshing...

but of course my dear friends swimming through the peak of their academic careers now would all choose to disagree... they're all saying it's hectic and it's tough... and honestly...
i'm freaked out too...

moving on...

i think i've figured out why i've put written poetry to be put up here...

it's 'cos i, as a person,

let's repeat that...

it's 'cos I, as a person,

need to create... and since so far i've always been writing music... i can't put it up here and thus i can satisfy that sick need i have for approval... so i find other ways to have people fawn over me...
by writing...

i'm so damn screwed...
but aren't we all now...

bwahahaha...

anyways...

The Rosewood Sofa

I grew up within its arms so cold, so hard,
but blood-red, precious blood-red. Blouses with
chrysanthemum and carnation, proud and blooming,
but always thornless, clothed its cushions.
Mother-of-pearl inlays faced my back as I grew, and

I think they were beautiful, faces that showed pine and mountains, fishermen and
old villagewomen. I can't remember now.
Now, when I look back I see the wood's rose-hue aged and
blackened, wrinkles where grains of deep blood ran.
Old, enfeebled, it now hardly holds my weight; and I'm like

a springy shoot off its majestic trunk, a sapling from its fruit.
I am its love. And I will see
it age, its cushions tatter, its body break, and
die eventually,
and mourn.

The Castaway

I trod onto the hard sands, castaway but not lost.
Flung like a rock out of a mean kid's catapult, useless
wishbone of brittle twig,
I found my way to where I was to go:

away. My ship has changed its course but it doesn't matter. I think
I will be back aboard: I can swim, I can craft a ship;
in this place that is the wake
of that ship;

this place that can hold possibilities like hearts
hold dreams. Letting go only in
passing waking
but never freeing.

On this island
perhaps I will rest first, maybe not.
There is actually much to do, things to make,
fish, birds, trees, rocks. Slowly

this island will become a port of call
and the ship will come and I will board
again. But maybe I'll rest first, daydream,
the seas, after all, were rough going.


Maze

This maze is huge, I have walked here
all my life but only now I see the marble walls,
the floors covered in aquamarines
so bright they cut my soles, the air thick
with bees and their honey-tinged stings.

So painful. But I walk, knowing, naked; searching
for my clothes and shoes, and smooth salve like a blind
beggar thrashing through thorny undergrowth.
There is momentary respite: sometimes I find
rags and dirty water.

I am lost, but I know that it's only for now
and I will reach where I have to go like the
compass will point North eventually. But I
have no compass and I can only
wander. And believe these words

that I say to myself. In the maze
I am hapless but when I'm finally done
with it I will be beautiful, a child resting far away
from this maze so huge
it is the distance between two lovers' hearts.


in these recent days life has been rather boring and i have been rather bored... thus for some reason i need to create, to write, and this is what i've come up with... it's an urge, a whim i have...

i think it's here to vindicate my existence...
or something like that...