hello everybody...

happy holidays...
the feeling of being back on mainland is...
well...

euphoric bliss...

observe while i enjoy it...

ahh...

anyways... i have a long stretch to enjoy starting now to sunday...

and i'm off to enjoy it...

yes yes there's much to say and long verbose posts to put up to convince myself and all of you that i haven't lost it but that all can wait...

for now...

nonactivity beckons...

hello there everybody...

i'm back for the night... came down with a fever this morning...
will be going back in tomorrow evening...

ah...i suppose there's one thing i gained from army... a newfound appreciation of the little comforts that we all take for granted...
like tv and chocolates... for example...
like my own bed...
and the chance to laze around...
how i miss lazing around...

in addition to a splitting headache and an overwhelming sense of vertigo... it seems i also have a bad case of writer's block...

ah well...

i think i'd better go space out in front of the tv...

i daresay it's therapeutic...

the most spectacular display of stars that i have ever seen in this country... a night sky for once unhindered by any light of man...

and i have to witness such beauty accompanied by the horrific bark of rifles...

there are places where man's influence is subtle, insiduous... here, little sign of man's corrupting touch upon nature can be seen... save for the small coastal area that bridges the island with the mainland...
yet it is also here that man's indomitable spirit is manifest...
it is within these shores that i have come to witness the spirit of conquest... the pursuit of power...

and the lengths to which we as a race can go to achieve that...

hello everybody...

well i thought at first that blogging from camp would be a good idea...
yes... sorta like fresh inspiration from the activities (read:shit) i'm going through yes...

but well...

if i write exactly what i feel sitting here in the bunk...
eveybody can just go visit me in jail...

haha very funny yes... if there's one thing good about the past few weeks i think it's the sardonic humour that i seem to have acquired...
otherwise known as dry, pessimistic wit...

oh yes... before i forget...
to all those poor souls joining me in this barbarous isle...
Welcome!

so shoot me...

come let me prepare you for all the arguments presented... sometimes rather puerilely.... by the people here...
and so the big question is...
why are you here...?

model answer:

It's not the government, it's not your parents, and it's not society.
It's yourself.
At the end of the day, the reason why you are here is simply that you will come to fulfil your calling as a defender of the nation. You will defend the nation and ensure the safety of the people you love. In essence, you may feel nothing for the country, but it is for those you love that you will fight.

how very lovely, patriotic and touching...
everybody look at me... i'm spouting propaganda...

(note to self: please review next section... potentially incriminating content...)

hello...? knock knock...?

there's this little thing known as the Constitution...
yes...?

and by some chance of fate i had to be born just one degree north of the equator...
and thus i am bound...

i quote, "did the government point a rifle to your head and make you serve? No!"

excuse me...? Enlistment Act...?

well maybe a rifle isn't in the picture but the prospect of fines, jails and time in detention barracks comes pretty darn close in my opinion...

am i resistant to propaganda...?
well actually no... true propaganda would capture my attention and win my support...
but well... true propaganda also had a touch of subtlety within it...

and screaming at the top of your voice, "loyalty to country" everytime the whole platoon takes a drink is...
well...
anything but subtle...

ah i think i've raved enough for the day...
oh yes... i'm writing all this down frantically between training sessions... i hope this output of mine will keep my mental faculties intact...

the Jester shall yet sing again...

'ello there everybody...

i have seven hours and forty-five minutes before i go back in...
what a sobering thought...

ah well... suddenly everything doesn't seems so bad after all...

let's see now... i'm three weeks into this thing... which means i'm out in ten weeks time...
and the next thing to look out for after that is the tenth of december 2006...

we all need to hope now don't we...

bwahaha...

and look on the bright side... by the time i'm out there's throngs of people who are going in...
who i can point at and laugh...

yes i feel so evil...

ah whatever...
i'll be off to get some rest...

i dunno if it works that way but i sure hope sleep can be accumulated and stored...
and used in times of dire need...

like tomorrow...

bwahaha...

hello everybody...

it's the new year...

time does fly now doesn't it...?

well well...

lemme see now... new year resolutions have become an obsolete part of my life...

i think that the only people who can keep to new year resolutions are those irritatingly and unbelievably strong-willed and tenacious people...

and five year old kids who can't remember what they said two days ago let alone keep in mind a to-do list for an entire year...

seriously... i don't really get the point of this...

does the first of january every year really symbolize a new beginning...? can't we learn to appreciate the gift of a new day everyday...?
whenever we want to... we can always find new beginnings... there's is really no need to wait for an arbitrary marker at a certain point in time to remember the freshness and newness of life...

but i'm not complaining...

anything to get me out of that island for a few days...

is a decidedly good thing...

anyways...
rambling on...

i can feel my brain shrivelling up... i need to write more...

seriously...

one week in that place and i can feel my mental faculties beginning to dull...
i start stuttering when i speak (to people outside... that is...) because i'm not used to conversing at that intellectual level...
i lose the ability to use simple words...

case in point...
it is "unconducive" not "inconducive"...

yes i admit i'm wrong...

argh...

but on the other hand...

it was the experience of being confined to the barbaric isle for two weeks that has allowed me to greater appreciate my music...

i never played like i did when i just got out...

ah well...

tutti flutti...

hello everybody...

'tis but a momentary respite before i enter madness again come Sunday...

ah... my first impressions of the island...

honestly... it is a place of immense natural beauty... if one can only... with herculean effort... look past the fact that the entire island is one big military installation...

nature can be seen in her utmost beauty...

there are still birds that fly to roost in spectacular flocks there... there are stars that aren't obscured by too much light...

and the view of the ocean...

it is at once bittersweet... assuring... as well as wistful...

my first few days there were rather forgettable... not so much due to the nature of the activities... but rather due to the sheer overload and assault upon my senses...

i don't mean any of this in a negative sense... to a person well accustomed to military life... to one who approves of it even... this would all be expected... even welcome...

but to the virgin soldier... the entire exercise is rather overwhelming... the sudden and undignified shedding of identity...

and on an offbeat note... my hair too...

but anyways...it does take some time to get accustomed to being "standardized"...
rather a key word in the military i should say...

everything's the same... faces tanned to the same shade... eyes shifted the same direction... hands pointing the same way... voices echoing the same words...

how devoid of humanity...

moving on....

within the first day... everyone's issued two metal discs... one oval and one circular...
within the first week... everyone learns to tie these tags onto a string...
in times of war... they constitute the entirety of your identity...
if you die... one goes into your mouth...
the other goes to your family...

without doubt... i was familiar with the procedure... i think Hollywood has put in ample effort into publicizing this practice...
but to actually hold those two discs that might one day be the only remnants of an entire life wasted in war...

the utter indignancy and inadequacy of it all...

on handling a rifle...

the standard issue rifle is a marvel of technology and engineering... without any other source of energy other than that compacted in the round and your index finger... there's enough force to injure, maim, and of course kill...

there are at least a dozen steps involved in checking that the weapon is clear of rounds... all that just to avoid misfiring...

and undoubtedly... there will be even more steps and procedures to adhere to once live firing starts...

i've got a better suggestion to avoid all this...

don't use it...

the only arms we should bear upon our consciences are those that we were born with...
to serve, heal, and shield...

the most emotional... the most thoroughly felt breath of relief...
the feeling of absolution...
the literal unburdening of burdens...
all that i felt when i sent my arms back into the stores at the end of the day...

hello people...

i'm ok don't worry...

what i wrote in the last post... well...
was an exaggeration...
haha...

i do feel wistful that i have to leave some stuff behind... but i'm fine with it...
so there...

now for what i really meant to say... when i am away... and all you people miss my charming wit and celebrated wisdom... when you seek my words and find nothing there...

oh yes i know i'm such a celebrity...

my words of wisdom...
for my readers as well as myself...
for all times...

this too shall pass...

omg that was bad it sounds so corny...

but oh well i'm too lazy to get that away...

well i'll be off then... i still have some packing to do...

hello everybody...

i spent the good part of today packing up my room... clearing up stuff...
stuff all the way from primary school... old secondary school uniforms...

my grandma had said a few days back that any old stuff we had we could give to her... and she would donate it to some recycling people... and so i tied my stuff up into bundles...
unceremoniously at that... using raffia...

and then it hit me... about the easiest stuff to throw away...
toys you've outgrown... since they no longer mean much... they don't even bring back much memories... theey just sit forgotten... a tad bit sad...
those many excercise books and notepads that lie empty and unused... yes i know that school bookshops always urge people to buy more... heck... i can even memorise the entire spiel... but such empty and useless books are paler... both literally and metaphorically... far paler than those books etched... sometimes... in legacy of the sheer effort put in...

but some stuff you don't throw so easily...

it's a rather pathetic end to two years of toil to tie up all those essays... Fs to As no less... into bundles a la for rag-and-bone man collection...

so why... you ask... did i throw them away...?

well... what i want to keep is the effort that i put in... unfortunately that's not something you can shove into a drawer and take it out to admire from time to time...
that lives on... and could even die... in your mind and heart...
the stuff that i've written... stuff that at times have been proof of my superior command of the language...

in those papers and essays i seldom wrote what i truly believed in...

i believe in the intrinsic good of man... but it was the essay that argued otherwise that got me my A...
the soul of a nation cannot be truly reflected in the nature of its architecture... i believed in that... but...

this proves a point...
humanity's perceived strength in logic... one that may distinguish us from animals... seems to be deeply inadequate in the face of our other... and i believe... stronger... strength...

compassion...

but it seems that arguing this point always fails... after all arguing in what i believe in...
well...

i was practising on the flute again... the day before i think it was... and i was packing up my stuff...
flipping through the old scores... putting away the scores...

looking at a rather faithful score... or should i say i've been faithful to it...
it has after all been rather a permanent fixture in my file for two years now...

i held the file and felt like crying...

i wanted to write long... write much... dedicate words to this...

but it seems now i can't find my voice...