In Moments of Abstraction

In moments of abstraction
the peal of my laugh
dulls and sullens.
Like a bell dipped in water
I become still, but the resonance
of my laugh carries on all around me.

I pick up and carry on,
falling into the rhythm like
a pendulum swinging
and as time passes the peal
sounds again,
but the heart remembers.

hello there everybody...

i have a terribly hurting throat..
and two ulcers under my tongue nestled side by side...

it hurts to talk and it hurts to sing and it hurts to eat...

but enough about me...

let's talk about a certain friend of mine...

so a friend of mine says that everyday at work he makes it a point to check out all his friends' blogs to see what's going on in their lives...
everyday... every friend... every blog...

except mine...

cos according to him i don't blog enough and he knows that even if he does check back it won't be updated...

so now i'm compelled to write something before he throttles my neck...

blogblogblogblog...

ok back to me...

seeing as how i'm feeling so sick right now i want to stuff myself silly with comfort food like chocolates, and chips, and chocolate cake, and fries, and chocolate ice-cream...
but i can't have any of that cos it'll make my throat hurt more...

argh.

for all those concerned this isn't an edvard-munch-the-scream argh...
it's more like a grit-my-teeth-and-narrow-my-eyes kinda argh...

come to think of it actually it's more of an urgh.

so there...

urgh.

well i hit the big two-oh tomorrow...

it's very tempting right now, sitting at my table, to pour out another one of my philosophical, existential ramblings...
but i think not...

somehow when i was a kid and i couldn't wait to grow up this day didn't seem to be like this...
and i do think and wonder sometimes what's changed...
but i can't seem to put my finger to it...

it's not like i don't want to grow up... but i suppose it's no longer like when we were seven and everything was so innocent...

but ah well...

i suppose it's happy birthday to me...
yay...

oh dear...

it seems Knanaki thinks that me...
of all people...

she thinks that i, of sound mind and body, have gone kookoo and wrote the entire last post to create some fictional universe around some fictional character: Commander Keen.

firstly, Commander Keen is not fictional.
secondly, i am not kookoo.

Commander Keen is real. He's a real boy who went from garage genius to saviour of earth by defeating the Vorticons who were not evil, but under the influence of the Grand Intellect.
His bravery and courage ensure that we have an planet now that we can call our own.

if he wasn't real, where on earth do you think the computer game i spent and now am spending so many hours on came from...?

"No one can see beyond a choice that they don't understand."
- The Oracle.

and i was watching The Matrix...

so you see... i still can't seem to move on for so long now because there are so many things i don't understand...
and for all the perseverance, all the determination, and most importantly all that self-knowledge i think i possess there are things that i know i won't come to understand...

that simply is the way of things...

and that much i understand... because i understand that some choices will have to be made regardless of circumstance, regardless of understanding...

some choices are just made... and then that's all there is to it...

this is one of those posts where i talk to myself...

Episode 1 - Marooned on Mars
Billy Blaze, eight year-old genius, working diligently in his backyard clubhouse has created an interstellar starship from old soup cans, rubber cement and plastic tubing. While his folks are out on the town and the babysitter has fallen asleep, Billy travels into his backyard workshop, dons his brother's football helmet, and transforms into...

Commander Keen - Defender of Earth!

In this episode, aliens from the planet Vorticon VI find out about the eight year-old genius and plan his destruction. While Keen is out exploring the mountains of Mars, the Vorticons steal vital parts of his ship and take them to distant Martian cities! Can Keen recover all the pieces of his ship and repel the Vorticon invasion? Will he make it back before his parents get home? Stay tuned!


In our last episode, Commander Keen foiled the Vorticon plot to strand him on Mars, recovering all of his ship's parts back from the evil Vorticons. It was dangerous, but simply a preamble to the terror that follows in...


Episode 2 - The Earth Explodes
His parents think he's asleep, but there's no time for napping -- a Vorticon Mothership is poised above Earth, preparing to destroy every major city with their deadly Tantalus Ray! Keen must sneak aboard the ship and stop their terrible task. If he fails, the Earth explodes! Of course, this will mean he won't have to get home in time for school.... The Earth or no school. Hmmm....

After much deliberation, Keen decides to save the Earth anyway. Don't miss an action-packed second of this exciting episode in the Commander Keen trilogy!


here's to another priceless piece of my chilhood unearthed and relived...
and to 15 hours of lost sleep...
and many more to go...

the previous post was written and was supposed to be up last week.

due to the sheer obstinacy of blogger.com and my hectic schedule it has seen the light of cyberspace only now...

so stop bugging me to post, enjoy those precious few words and i'll get something up soon...

i think...

i have just woken up...

and it's seven pm now.

it's mildly irritating to take a nap and wake up at 7 cos then it seems that the whole day has been wasted in slumber...
and i don't even feel rested...

but ah well...

i don't have much to say regarding the past few days except that my body is putting up spectacular resistance to me putting it through the rigour of physical excercise on a regular basis...

or a least that's what my thighs, shoulders and arms seem to be screaming...

For you

Listen, just once more, to me,
before you leave, unheeding.
After this, locked and hidden,
I will put it all away,
to hope, to wait, to wither.

It's like clouds before sunset,
tinged crimson like a lover's blush.
Like stars at midnight, till morning burning;
deathless, only hiding.

It's the sail of a small bird on a well-caught gust,
slow, against the streak of a meteor.
It's a meteor that comes unbidden but welcome,
yet fades, brief like wind-flung raindrops on a window.

It's like seeing the ocean after ages of winding road,
and a lighthouse rising from the rocks.
Like a promise of rest beside eternal waters
with a guardian for starless new-moon nights.

It's sweet chocolate shared between a couple,
trifle banter that flits like a butterfly.
It's petalled colour on a lone stalk in a grassy field
standing against a harsh sky.

It's so much, too much,
and I sit, sniffing, on an overflowing suitcase
trying to pack it all away.
But every day it distils like salt crystals forming
and then it seems to get easier.

It seems to be many things but all it is,
is the feeling that is now long gone,
save for when on drawn-out nights
I lie and forget,
that it's an eternal wait
for you.


it's been a month now since that long, long, night...