hello everybody...
i'm fantastically happy with my results...
haha...
euphoric...? yes...
but that doesn't last does it...?
contentment...
that's what remains...
at least i know that all the work i put in the last two years... all the late night studying... frantic note taking...
all that, i can now truly say, has engendered something i can be proud of...
four distinctions...
it's not so much that i can now say that i'm capable of something... it's more so that i can now rest assured that my plans for my future will be almost totally in my control... unhindered by shortsighted fools blinded by qualifications alone...
we sometimes have to stoop to that level don't we...?
i was having dinner with my folks and i was telling them about the scholarships that i was considering... my dad was glad... so was mom... and they were all for me going for this and that and the other... going to get a nice job at the paper... go teach... go do basically anything that my four distinctions could bring me...
i don't dare to tell them anymore that i still want to study music...
i stop short whenever i try to tell them that As notwithstanding, i still want to carry on with my music... but nothing i've learnt before... not in the last two years... not ever... can help me find the words that say just that...
they seem so happy now that i'm on to something that seems appropriate to them...
yes life can seldom be peaches and cream and i know that people reading this will react...
well...
less than positively...
but underlying all this... it's not just me ranting that my dreams still aren't closer to reality than before...
to all those who think that they've done abysmally badly... dissapointingly... or just slightly underperformed...
results are results... life goes on...
there's more to it than those magic letters that come on a small slip of paper...
and as for me... i'll find my way there myself...
moving on...
i'm now officially out of Tekong... the end of three months of training has been long spoken of as a great watershed in a young man's life...
it's hard to find much meaning in this change... so i'm now a private... moving up the ranks of an institution i hardly have any faith nor belief in...
maybe it's my own doing... maybe i haven't invested enough emotionally in the last three months to reap any significant gains now that it's over... then and again brotherhood and camaraderie are calls to which i hardly respond...
but whatever the case is...
i'm just happy i'm through... as i sit here blogging i can feel life returning to a comfortable normalcy...
of course this too shall soon pass...
but we'll deal with that when it comes...
bliss...
Thursday, March 10
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2 comments:
Tuan:
If you truly want to pursue music, go ahead. It's alright to please your parents but more importantly to please yourself. If you choose to go their way now, you might be unhappy in future, regretting that you didn't do music as you always wanted.
Oh the other hand, if you follow your heart and pursue music like you've always wanted, you can be happy. Being parents, they will be happy for you when you are happy too.
Over the past two years, I've realised that you're a great musician. The immense effort and dedication that you put into the Choir is not even enough proof of this.
Nonetheless, you have no background. But I have to admit that your ground work is much more solid than mine even though I've done music for at least 10 years. So what if others have their Diplomas in Music already? I believe passion and preserverance can overcome paper qualifications.
Please remember, your passion for music is strong. And for that, I CAN see you being a music director or whatever you want to do in future.
I believe in you, and so do many others.
hey charlie..i agree with 'anonymously said'; my only complaint being that she (i guess) shd've at least left a name for me to refer to...
now you haf time to think of your future, whiling your time away in NS. So think properly, and don't decide on anything you'll regret, or think you'll regret.
I went to this talk abt career planning, and the speaker asked, " wld you rather spend 4 years changing your career, or 40 years in a career you don't like that much?" If you continue the way you are going, you're gonna spend 40 years living someone else's dream, someone else's life. But it only takes 4 years of studying to change your course, to make you eligible for your dream job.
Nobody can tell you that you don't have talent, or passion, for music, because u have them. You only need the courage to realize them and to somehow slough off the guilt that comes with such an daunting choice. But I don't think you should worry about not getting support when you really decide for music as a career. Coz I'm sure all your frens will be glad for you, and we do believe in you. The question that remains is..is that enough for you?
Perhaps to you it isn't so bad living out your parent's expectations. It might be coz you're cowardy, and don't dare to show them who you want to be, you're terrified of the consequences it'll bring about and hence try to forget your ambitions (- its better this way). It might be coz you want them to be happy, that they have a son they can b proud of, that you relegate your dreams to only night. (and you tell yourself again..it IS better this way..) Whatever the reason, no one can say it is wrong to not live your full potenial and express your talents to your utmost.(the potential and talent that will be stifled if you don't forge full steam ahead with it..) You might be happier ( and feel more secure ) pretending to your parents that your ambitions lies, so coincidentally, in exactely the same place where they have their expectations of you. You might decide to live your life for them simply because it feels better than living it for yourself. It's a personal choice, really. Where personal values come into play, so i can't say much.
Anyway...make a choice and stick with it, for as long as you can. Then if you're force to change..make another choice...and another..
(Haha alrite i'm starting to lose my focus...)
yupz... so... last words... believe in yourself and your decision, whichever it is..
oh, and do you know how ironically these two sentences go together? :
"go do basically anything that my four distinctions could bring me..."
"i don't dare to tell them anymore that i still want to study music..."
and still you put them together. I wonder how painful it is to have the world at your feet and not being able to go where u want to go. I wonder also..how useful it is to be able to do basically everything u want but the thing u want to do the most...
so..last question..
what's holding you back?
****
take care!
^_^
p.s.-forgive spelling, grammer, expression, vocab errors...>_<
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