vesperal salutations...
the order welcomes your presence... please step into our humble cloisters and remove your worn travelling cloak... the master will meet you in the inner yard...

no that sounds off... i sound like the acolyte of some cult...
err... let's see what's next...

hoi!
wah long time no see yar... i hear you in geylang open dewlian stoll ah? wah not bad woh... so young towkay big boss ah!

... i shudder at the thought... as words cannot express my horror...

greetings... come in peace we are...
bring you we bountiful gifts from mars...
oh yes... gifts precious... fine like finest sand... red like brilliant sunset...
RUST!! bring you we rust from mars!! our gifts greatest in goodwill and peace borne!!

oh no that's wrong too...
for one i do not have a huge green bald head...
nor tentacles for that matter...

oh well...

hello then...
took me long enough to get here... haha...
bytes are free after all... so... no harm wasting a few thousand of them...

i always wonder what people think when they read whatever's up here... do they go...

"oh look a typo... tsk tsk tsk..."
or maybe... "ah he wouldn't know if i'm dissing it... let's send this to 'Top 10 Worst Sites on the Net...'"

or even worse... "you know that weirdo in school i told you about...? come see his blog!"

or perhaps something along the lines of... "GAH!! what is this?? why isn't my firewall blocking this!!?? quick... block it and put it under 'sites with offensive material'!!'"

"GO... RUN... SAVE YOURSELF!!"

but the worst one of them all... well... "ooh... look what have we got here... hmm... my next centrepiece for the PsyKo Kidnappers and Killers, Kookers and Karvers annual dinner party..."

so if i disappear then you all know what happened... or maybe the boss of some bigshot production house in Hollywood will chance upon this and call me up and offer to make a superstar blockbuster based on my blog...
ooh that'd be nice... i'll get paid thirty one billion you-ass dollars at one shot... and maybe receive an annual few million or so you-ass dollars per year in royalties...
oh i'm so headed for the good life...

oh hear that... it's the bubble bursting...
yes i'm kinda mad today... dunno what's gotten over me... maybe it's something i ate...

oh i know... GP's in negative one day's time... that's a lot to celebrate for... everybody pop the champagne... whee...

i slump in despondence at the new... harsh... criticism which has been levelled at my unique brand of humour... at the laughter that is day by day becoming more and more forced... more and more a hiss of displeasure... a jeer from the ignorant crowd...
i realise it is not long before i am prevented from writing... or someone forces me to therapy... therefore... i will write my finest words... and place them in a safe place... for the future generations... hopefully more enlightened... to appreciate...

it is not long now...

i hear it now... footsteps... they sound faint and faraway... but are ever closing on upon me... my precious last moments... and my final words...

i have done it... by the time this is read i will be long gone... but my work shall last for all eternity...

the first... which is also the last... gunshot i hear does not fire from the guns of the men outside... oh no... i am alone in the room...

i hear it... loud and clear... it hurts my ears... being fired so close... then all goes to black...
my hands slowly cool to feel like the cold metal that lies in them... embraced in fleshy palm and bony fingers...

ok people... show's over...
comedy, satire and horror all in one...
tell me what's nice... then maybe you'll see more of it...
if i'm feeling nice that is...
haha...