so the new year has started..

quite quietly for me, i must say.. i hardly saw it coming...
but then and again i'm never much of a new year kinda person...

work has taken up most of my time.. and in between work, practice, writing, arranging, and in general preparing for what i hope will be a very musical future.. i like the way i have something to do everyday, and that makes time pass so much faster, and saves idle minds like mine unnecessary pondering over useless things.

like yesterday when i had a particularly troubling dream.

it was one of those dreams that you know exactly who every character in the dream is because of the things you tell them and how you feel when you see them, but you never remember their faces. i remember what i said and did and felt, but i don't remember ever seeing the faces of the people i saw in my dream.

it was a particularly troubling dream because it makes me fear that after all this time and people and experiences i'm still stuck in a rut. but then i wake up and the dream is swallowed into the subconscious. and it's like drinking tea - all that is left is an aftertaste, and even then, barely the memory of a taste.

carrying that memory with me around the rest of the day i try to see if the dream means anything, but then i cannot see how it could be relevant in any way. i remember leaving that part of my life behind so long ago, and looking around my life now i find that i did leave it behind.

so now i'm wondering why i dreamt what i did...

hmm...