it's two in the morning... and i kinda think it's a horrendously ungodly hour to be up blogging...
but the thought just popped into my head as i was bathing an hour ago and it's been swimming around ever since...

so here it is... after so long...
the question resurfaces...

when i was posted to my current occupation as a musician i was quite overjoyed because i thought it was a chance that had taken too long to come... and so i fervently plunged into it... and it all looked promising...
all this until about six months later... when quite suddenly, i decided that i should put music aside...

i decided that to pursue music was simply too tough.. and i felt wise and courageous admitting that i didn't have enough courage nor talent to do it...

to most people, i've only told them this first, lesser reason why i decided to give up...
and i don't know if anyone else out there even knows there's a second reason...

something happened along the way that gave me reason to file away my scores... at first for a while.. and then for longer and longer periods of time it seemed i didn't need to go back to my lifelong refuge...

then after a while i just stopped thinking about it...

but as time goes by i hear things in my head again... and it seems that everytime i think about it i see no reason why i cannot do it...
and then i see so many reasons why i can't...

and so i'm stuck here... between what's safe and what's risky...

the perennial dilemma...

to leonard and zat. old and new best friend.
aiyar how liddat?

ps. i'd like to also say that very thankfully the debate and discussion is now very much less angsty unlike posts on this same topic from previous years. this thanks to a few years of life and experience and the subtraction from my chemical makeup, a good dose of hormones.

pps. no offense to my other very good friends for not mentioning you all...

ppps. there's no ppps i just thought it'll be cool to have three postscripts.