hello everybody...

'tis but a momentary respite before i enter madness again come Sunday...

ah... my first impressions of the island...

honestly... it is a place of immense natural beauty... if one can only... with herculean effort... look past the fact that the entire island is one big military installation...

nature can be seen in her utmost beauty...

there are still birds that fly to roost in spectacular flocks there... there are stars that aren't obscured by too much light...

and the view of the ocean...

it is at once bittersweet... assuring... as well as wistful...

my first few days there were rather forgettable... not so much due to the nature of the activities... but rather due to the sheer overload and assault upon my senses...

i don't mean any of this in a negative sense... to a person well accustomed to military life... to one who approves of it even... this would all be expected... even welcome...

but to the virgin soldier... the entire exercise is rather overwhelming... the sudden and undignified shedding of identity...

and on an offbeat note... my hair too...

but anyways...it does take some time to get accustomed to being "standardized"...
rather a key word in the military i should say...

everything's the same... faces tanned to the same shade... eyes shifted the same direction... hands pointing the same way... voices echoing the same words...

how devoid of humanity...

moving on....

within the first day... everyone's issued two metal discs... one oval and one circular...
within the first week... everyone learns to tie these tags onto a string...
in times of war... they constitute the entirety of your identity...
if you die... one goes into your mouth...
the other goes to your family...

without doubt... i was familiar with the procedure... i think Hollywood has put in ample effort into publicizing this practice...
but to actually hold those two discs that might one day be the only remnants of an entire life wasted in war...

the utter indignancy and inadequacy of it all...

on handling a rifle...

the standard issue rifle is a marvel of technology and engineering... without any other source of energy other than that compacted in the round and your index finger... there's enough force to injure, maim, and of course kill...

there are at least a dozen steps involved in checking that the weapon is clear of rounds... all that just to avoid misfiring...

and undoubtedly... there will be even more steps and procedures to adhere to once live firing starts...

i've got a better suggestion to avoid all this...

don't use it...

the only arms we should bear upon our consciences are those that we were born with...
to serve, heal, and shield...

the most emotional... the most thoroughly felt breath of relief...
the feeling of absolution...
the literal unburdening of burdens...
all that i felt when i sent my arms back into the stores at the end of the day...