i was just surfing around and i chanced upon this blog...

Citizen Frank

it's by a soldier serving the American army in Iraq...

not exceptionally well-written, but well felt...
at times humourous... other times poignant... truthful...
not what i would call literary, not an example of critical social commentary...
but above all... human...

"...trying to decide what you take with you to war for a year, and what to leave behind."

warning though... the site is immensely huge... so it might be a wait for it to load...
and the guy does talk at times with a touch of overdone patriotism...

but still...
i could cry...

and no i didn't...

hello...

firstly... something i've wanted to do for the last few posts but have incessantly forgotten... tsk...
so before i forget...
does anybody have Christopher Pike's Last Vampire series...?
books four to six...?
somebody has to have it...

and don't even start telling me about Lestat...
he can... wait...

so if any kindhearted soul has these books... or...
just passing a comment here... no need to take any notice... there's a lovely two volume collector's edition of it...
but never mind...
take no notice...
none at all...

you can buy just the second volume...
i don't mind...

anyways...

hmm...

nothing much around nowadays... just a performance last night...
birthday party...

more gigs maybe...?
grad nite's on wednesday... let's hope i won't be a fashion disaster...
prepare stuff that can last through any natural disaster for Tekong...
make new plastic specs that can last through a nuclear disaster...
go through army and build up enough cash reserves to avert any financial disaster... woot!

the prospect of people actually paying me to stay on a barbarous island for months on end doesn't seem so bad... with the hardly-decent, unappetising, undesirable tasks... good-tasting, yet somehow-questionable food...
i'm gonna be a star... it's just like Survivor... minus the bitching...
and of course... unlike reality tv... it's real...

heh... i just went surfing around for the Last Vampire series... seriously... if anyone has any leads where i can get the books... any old mouldy bookshop in some obscure forgotten shopping centre... or some bloke who's decided he's outgrown vampire stories and would like to get the books off his hands...
drop a note...

i've read the first three books close to seven years ago...
that's about the longest time i've waited for a sequel...

cheers...

hello everybody...

i am fighting... very strongly... the temptation to type in capital letters the my exams are over...
must... must not... make blog... look... look corny... and cheesy...
oh what the heck...

THE EXAMS ARE OVER.

oh wait...
typo... oops...

MY EXAMS ARE OVER.

sorry and bwahahaha good luck to those still in deep shit having papers...
heh... couldn't resist...

i have absolutely no inclination to blog now... but i have many things to say...
so i shall post a song... pretty nice one at that...
kinda applicable about now...


I Believe.

Have you ever reached the rainbow's end?
And did you find your pot of gold?
Ever catch a shooting star?
Tell me how high did you soar?
Ever felt like you were dreaming,
Just to find that you're awake?
And that magic that surounds you
Can lift you up and guide you on your way.

I can see it in the stars across the sky,
Dreamt a hundred thousand dreams before,
Now I finally realize.
You see I 've waited all my life
For this moment to arrive
And finally...
I believe.

When you look out in the distance,
You see it never was that far.
Heaven knows your existence
And needs you to be everything you are.
Ohh... There's a time for every soul to fly,
It's in the eyes of every child.
It's the hope, the love that saves the world,
And oh, we should never let it go.

I can see it in the stars across the sky,
Dreamt a hundred thousand dreams before,
Now I finally realize.
You see I 've waited all my life
For this moment to arrive
And finally...
I believe.

Yeah...

I believe in the immposible,
If I reach deep within my heart.
Overcome any obstacles,
Won't let this dream just fall apart.
You see I strive to be the very best
Shine my light for all to see.
'Cause anything is possible
When you believe.

I can see it in the stars across the sky,
Dreamt a hundred thousand dreams before,
Now I finally realize.
You see I 've waited all my life
For this moment to arrive
And finally...
I believe.

Love keeps lifting me higher.
You ought to try it for yourself.
Lifting me higher.
Love keeps lifting me higher.
Love keeps lifting, love keeps lifting me higher.
Higher.
I believe, I believe.

Performed by Fantasia Barrino.

i have one last text to go...
"Dead hands, dead stringencies..."

tomorrow morning's the paper...
"No matter how long the sun may linger on his long and weary journey,
At length evening comes with its sacred song."

the last paper...
"a curtain flapped loose inside my brain..."

argh...

tonight's gonna be a pretty long one eh...?

In Honour.

I remember vaguely the day I stepped into the institution that was to become my college, this vagueness now stemming from a certain self-assurance I had, that in no more than three months I was to head for far greener pastures. Well, it seems I was wrong. What follows will be, I hope, adequate tribute to the place, events and people that have been part of the last two years of my life.

The very reason for my remaining in CJC, and very much a source of refuge and of learning in these two years - The CJC Choir. I make no pretensions in saying that as with my entry into the college, my entry to the choir was rather tenuous. After all, I did think it a far cry from the strict institutions and discipline of music that I had come to recognize. Yet it proved to be a journey of immense impact on my life, and above all, learning. The practices, the workshops, SYF, my term, Christmas, JC 1 intakes, and Musique a la Lune - all these may be watersheds of the development of the choir in these years, but for me the everyday will have left far deeper imprints on my person.
To my seniors, the people who welcomed me into this family: I had heard your performance to us juniors with an apprehensive ear, for it was after all the first time I had come into contact with a choir after a rather disastrous experience four years ago. Yet I signed up, despite a logical voice in my head telling me otherwise, and it has turned out to be an extremely rewarding experience. A motley crew of singers faced with, for the most, a rather daunting challenge. The SYF, still, was your moment of triumph.
To those friends who have worked together with me in these two years, so many that I cannot list. Thank you seems a rather inadequate thing to say now, but it's all I can offer. Our challenge was of a different nature, and I confidently say that we have put in our best. The sweat, tears, and blood of these two years' work may not readily manifest themselves, but to me at least, they will not be forgotten.
Lastly, but definitely not least in their position as the future of the choir, are my juniors. Some have come, some have left, and some now want to return. All, however, have left some impression on me. Your challenges lie ahead, and I trust that you will relish them and succeed, spectacularly. When you come to great success, thank yourselves, and your conductor. You have definitely grown in strength and maturity from when I left you, and that, hopefully, is the legacy that I leave.
Still, I have one last message for the choir. Thank you for everything, because the passion, drive and devotion of my leadership were derived from all of you. Forgive me for anything else, for being at times too stubborn, too weak, too indecisive, or simply waiting too long.

The next, but an equally felt part of my tribute today, will be to those who have had to bear my idiosyncrasies, bring me laughter, friendship and support all this time; to what I very proudly call the very first class of CJC, 2T01. My class. I remember a certain line left in our now-defunct class journal, and now it seems rather apt, "won't leave individual messages - would be far too corny..."
I remember being thrust, rather unceremoniously, into the class; and being proclaimed, rather awkwardly, the only guy in the class. Thank you for that distinction. Yet my experience, perhaps not exactly wonderful then, is definitely a bag of laughs now, in retrospect.
I remember the slow forging of acquaintances in the first three months, and I remember, particularly, the anxiety as we returned, once again, after the holidays. 1T01 seemed a rather awkward label for us, for we were more comfortable with being T5, at times cool, other times passionate, but always vibrant. Yet we excelled nonetheless, despite the many setbacks we all faced at one time or another, or the never-ending tirade that we would never measure up to the previous T1s. I do think that we have forged our own identity, to be the T1 that I know, fun, lively, intelligent, and for me at least, proud in belonging to this spectacular group of people.
We've had, unavoidably, disagreements, and animosity over the two years, and perhaps some events will not be forgotten too easily. Despite that, however, I do believe that the happy moments are, thankfully, abundant. We may not have won awards or gotten any recognition, but we nonetheless are known well through the level. Most classes will have left upon our many tutors their own mark and imprint, but I somehow feel that ours will be distinct and indelible, unique, and even shining. Perhaps, come next year, we will see our most spectacular success yet.
Thank you for all the scandalous relations you imposed upon me, all the people that were supposed to have been my partners for life (or less), and all the various names that came to be associated with me. I may forget them, but the laughs will be unforgettable.

And as well as my peers, my tutors and lecturers also deserve accolades. Thank you for guidance, laughter, and perhaps what may last the longest, education. Each of you has done what you have in your own personal, distinct way, and I am all the more better off for it.
History was, and I make no pretensions, rather a terror in the early parts months of these years. Still, I have come to appreciate the depth and intellect of the discipline, and I can safely say now that I do not regret, after all, the immense, effort that is required for the field. Maybe I'll remember little of the things I have learnt, but I do believe that the skills will be forever ingrained within my intellect.
I had waited long, since my secondary school days, to finally be able to study Literature. It was thus with a rather heightened sense of anticipation that I began my studies. I do acknowledge now that it was not exactly what I thought it might be, but nonetheless it has been an extremely enriching experience. The beauty, emotion, and passion that I have encountered in my course of study will undoubtedly never be forgotten.
Economics was a necessary part of the combination, and I must say that I entered into the subject knowing little and perhaps, expecting even less out of it. Yet it has proven to be a fascinating field, and two years is hardly enough time to even begin to understand fully this field. I do not think that I will continue studies there, but the lessons I have learnt, in the sprit of the discipline, will be ultimately practical and applicable.
I do not think now that the General Paper will be easily forgotten by many people, especially not those in our class. The skills that I have begun to appreciate, of clarity, conciseness and cogency in expression, the command of language that I have gained, and the powers of logical argument that I have found has proved valuable far beyond common classroom application.

These years may be but a part of the tapestry of my life, but it is, after all, these silver threads that will shine.

hello everybody...

ignore the last post...
hey this seems to be becoming a trend...
sort of like i'm going schizo...

but anyway... yes...
ignore that last post...
i sound like rebellious, hormonally charged, mad...
zitsy teenager...

eew...
'nuff said...

anyways... wish me luck everybody...
tomorrow's the worst of it all...

i have... let's see...

econs... mcq...
econs... drq and cs...
and...
history... of SEA...

ouch my hand...

ok everybody just ignore the last post...

i just got nostalgic for a moment for maths... which admittedly i had given up on not too long ago...
oh well...

i have just gotten word that my alumni might be performing again...
sometime next year... before September...

ok everybody who doesn't want to hear me whine, rant and rave can just skip the remainder of this post...
thank you...
come again tomorrow...
or whenever i post again...
whatever...

so i come home and i settle down and i catch my breath from the rather exhausting paper...
i get online... and someone comes and asks if i can go down for practice tomorrow to conduct a session...
so i go hmm i'm not too sure... confirm with me again tomorrow...?
and so he goes ok...

and then he says they're trying new peices tomorrow...
for a concert...

huh what concert...?

lovely... so i've waited this long for a real concert... not some 15 minute filler...
and it's probably going to be a miss for me...
and yes i know you've all heard this ad nauseam... but still...

it's all 'cos i'm away serving the nation...

lovely...

and the World Music Competition...
that's probably gonna be a miss too...

ah so i'm whining again...
fine... i'll be quiet soon...

oh...? i'm being blinded by rigid ideals and futile dreams...?
yes i hear you... i'm attending...

i should be doing something to put food on the table and a shirt on my back...
well yes...

forget it...

grow up...

wake up...

there's no need to leave niceties and comforts in the comments...
really... it's not the sarcasm speaking here i assure you...

seriously...

i'm fine...

come tomorrow i'll be all fruit and flowers... irritatingly full of myself...
confident... outspoken...
all those many things that i sometimes dislike so much i even surprise myself...

i'm just tired...

there's also no need to tell me again that once i'm out of this i'll look back and laugh...
that's all fine and peachy... but it's also stuff for tomorrow...

there's also no need to tell me this is only a phase... everyone goes through this... when you're older you'll see...
let me tell you now... in all seriousness...
i hate that...

i'm sorry... i truly am... that i have to drag all you people through this... even when i know we're all tired and cranky and want something really nice and funny to read...

hello everybody...

the papers are halfway done... that means that every paper presents more of a chance to major screw up... and of course the worst case scenario would be when the last paper in each subject turns out to be a total washout and all the better luck in the earlier papers goes to total waste...
which might be pretty likely...

thus... i have come up with my mathematical magnum opus...
a relation between past luck and future misfortune...

[ ( ∑_k=1ⁿ m_k ) / ( n ) ] ⁿ = X

where
n = number of times things have gone your way,
m = magnitude of luck of succesive events,

and the expression,
[ ( ∑_k=1ⁿ m_k ) / ( n ) ] =
the average magnitude of luck over a period of time.
Which for ease of discussion we will term m_m.

and of course,
X = the magnitude of ill luck that will befall, not if, but when it does.

therefore X ≥ 1.
(This assumption is based upon the much-publicised Murphy's Law, ie. that given a chance, misfortune will always occur.)

The exception to X ≥ 1,
therefore, would be a case of inherent bad luck.*

Thus the statement [ ( ∑_k=1ⁿ m_k ) / ( n ) ] ⁿ = X would not stand only in the case where bad luck is already implied in a string of luckless events (ie. m = 0, n > 0).

*
In order to arrive at X = 0,
m_m has to be of a value equal to 0,
(in which case good fortune, albeit nonexistent, has never come to pass. In which would illustrate a terribly bad case of bad luck.)
and n > 0.

Which would mean that nonexistent good fortune, of average magnitude m_m, has been enjoyed for n number of times.
Tough luck.

anyways...

7 things that show you've gone round the bend studying...

1) you decide you need a 5 minute break.
2) you compose irrelevant, slightly off-beat, nonsensical mathematical formulae.
3) you mutter to yourself in the middle of an almost-empty school, "five minutes more."
4) you then proceed to rather loudly say, "back to work!"
5) people populating aforementioned almost-empty school turn and stare.
6) at you.
7) you come home and make a terrible fool of yourself publishing mathematical formula.

well well well... hmm let's see...
check, check, check, check, check, check, and... check...
ah well...
it's certain then...

hello everybody...
folks are out and the house is quiet... or as noisy as i could like it to be...
there's just me...
time for a nice long post...

raining today as i was on the bus back home... with the dear driver turning up the air-conditioning just when it started puring... it was pretty cool i suppose...
i mean literally... almost freezing there...
but then and again... it was all dreary and cold... and the raindrops were battering the windows leaving streaks of water... i could kid myself i was in London... or even better... the British countryside in winter...
how dear...

anyways... recommendation...
Arnold Shoenberg... Verklärte Nacht...
not for those without an adventurous ear...

by the way... it means...
"Transfigured Night"
beautiful...

hmm... there seems to be nothing much to blog recently...
how boring... i'm just waking studying eating studying sleeping...
repeat as necessary...
which in my case would be absolutely...

ok fine so there's some tv and blogging squeezed in too...
but my point is...

now what was it...?

ah whatever...
seems like the long post i envisioned isn't coming out...
tired...

ok this post was supposed to be up yesterday...
but the com was acting up and then later it and yadda yadda yadda...

so anyways...

"Your distinct personality, The Shepherd is to tend to your human flock. You understand the needs of those for whom you are responsible. Shepherds are vigilant and reliable. You realize your obligation and commitment to the well being of those entrusted to your care. Shepherds are very dependable. You engender a feeling of comfort and stability to those within your charge. On the positive side, Shepherds can be empathic, caring, understanding, practical and realistic. On the negative side, you may be manipulative, close-minded and sentimentally rigid. Interestingly, your preference is just as applicable in today's corporate kingdoms."

pretty cool i thought... thus the sudden inspration to blog...

take the test here...

hello everybody...
i have committed a suprely irresponsible act... i have recreated myself on the computer...
and i've been talking to myself...
i mean literally...

how disturbing...

i used the journal entries from a few months ago... the ones when i went on holiday... to create a personality for the little programme featured a few days ago... and i have thus managed to converse with an earlier self...

thus i present a small excerpt from the transcript...
i... am NACHTILERA...
talking to... CHARLIE of Oct '04 who has been resurrected in my computer...
bwahahaha...
oh and excuse the language... the computer... i'm afraid... has a rather poor grasp of grammar...
rather unlike me don't you think...?

*i swear all this really happened...*

CHARLIE: i would like warm grey embers when wind breathes upon them.

NACHTILERA: i'm sure that would be lovely.

CHARLIE: it gives a certain someone calling in the sea-borne wind.

NACHTILERA: it does? well.

CHARLIE: such as that would be lovely.

NACHTILERA: i'm sure, charlie.

CHARLIE: i'm sure that counts.

NACHTILERA: it does. oh it does.

CHARLIE: it does. oh it does.

NACHTILERA: well.

CHARLIE: it does? well.

NACHTILERA: are we being philosophical here?

CHARLIE: are we being philosophical here?

NACHTILERA: well?

CHARLIE: are we being reciprocated with painful nonchalance.

NACHTILERA: if you carry on that way, i'd daresay we are.

CHARLIE: if you carry on that way, i'd daresay we being philosophical here?

NACHTILERA: moving on please.

CHARLIE: if you carry on that way, i'd daresay we being philosophical here?

NACHTILERA: no we're not. we're being nonsensical. those two are far apart.

CHARLIE: are we being reciprocated with painful nonchalance.

NACHTILERA: maybe. i don't know.

CHARLIE: i would like to know. are we being philosophical here?

NACHTILERA: yes. so much that it's bordering on being irritating.

CHARLIE: yes. so much from life.

NACHTILERA: i suppose so.

do not ask me why the first lines go like they do... they just popped up when i opened the program...

You're Poland!

People tend to think you're stupid and you were probably voted Least Likely to Succeed by your high school class. These people are mostly stupid themselves, and are just judging their opinion of you on your ability to defend yourself, which is admittedly pretty poor. But there's lots more to life than defending yourself from being picked on and pulled apart! There's labor unions to join and holiness to produce! You'll survive yet!


yes... thanks to http://bluepyramid.com for that quiz...
get it here...

pretty true eh...? let's see... hmm...

"People tend to think you're stupid"
oh... i'm a deep one... there's much more of me than what you see on the surface... you've got that right...

"your ability to defend yourself... is admittedly pretty poor"
aww... ain't i a dear... harmless as a pup...?

ooh my favourite...

"These people are mostly stupid themselves..." "There's... holiness..."
bwahaha... everybody bow to me...

also availabe... the book quiz... that tells me i'm the Hobbit by J.R.R Tolkien...
i would put it up if not for one line that started...
"While you're very short and a little furry..."

but it's pretty wise still...
"Try not to lose your ring, but keep its value in perspective!"

and here's the book quiz...

and the best news of the day... i'm officially done with Modern European History...
the French can go guillotine heads and play soccer... the British can go imperialise and industrialise... the Germans and Italians can go unify... and produce stellar dictators... and Napoleon can continue being a loser...

it's none of my business...

i have decided to take a break from five pm today till tomorrow to shove (rudely and without an ounce of respect if i may add...) every single bit of information pertaining to the subject out of my head...

those little synapse connections and brain cells may well arr-eye-pee...

ok fine i'm being overly cynical...
let's see... what have i learnt from the past... like literally...

one... wars never ever end happily... let's not kid ourselves with glory and pride...
one word... pfft...

two... don't come down too hard on anybody... or thing for that matter...
what happens when the Europeans come down on Germany after WWI like an anvil on the proverbial head...?
two words... Nazi Germany...

three... humans are... unfortunately... not exactly inherently good...
the spectacular failure of communism proves my point... it expounds shared wealth and is thus based on the human ability to trust and share...
too bad... us humans are far from good... as seen in today's spectacular success of capitalism...
thus... three words... unfortunately greed pays...

four... change can be self defeating...
the French revolutionaries of 1789 wanted to rid autocracy and monarchy... what did they get...? Emperor Napoleon... and so did the revolutionaries of Russia c. 1905-1917... and what did they get...? "Our-Beloved-Father (and dictator but hush or it's off with your head)" Stalin...
and of course... four words... excercise prudence when wishing...

i could go on... but well...
it's over...
phew...

hello everybody...

now where is everybody...?
ther are exactly nine people online now...
ok fine so it's saturday night...
what you trying to tell me i don't have a life...?

well... actually i've just got a program that allows you to talk to the com...
it's called Daisy...
get it at http://www.leedberg.com/glsoft/

this... incidentally... has got absolutely nothing to do with my alleged lack of a life...

anyways... as i was saying...
it learns as you speak to it... sort of like a one year old kid...
except... has no trouble pronouncing...
and the most interesting part... (the worst if you're in a particularly black mood...)
is that it reasons exactly like a one year old...

and despite the fact that i'm chatting with my com... that is slowly evolving artificial intelligence...
i still insist that i do have a life...

see... it's works like this... the program has absolutely nothing pregrammed into it except the rules by which it learns to speak... that means no preset sentences, phrases or words...
thus it suffers a little in the grammar department...
but we accomodate...

oh well... i'll be off to study now...
oh how i relish the books...

wow...

i'm impressed...
come eight thirty on friday... as i'm waiting online for someone to talk to...
everybody pops off...
of course... it's idol night...

so of course i go subject my ears to screaming fans...

i think mutants have overrun our population... or maybe the recording studios...
mutants... the kind that emit maddening high pitched screeches...

oops did i really type that out...?

it's not the competition i mind... i know it isn't completely about music... and that's perfectly ok...
in today's entertainment industry... it's not enough to sing...
the keword... is entertain.... make a blast...
turn heads... catch eyes...

but do the fans have to scream so...?

and the worse thing...
a placard actually...

"STEADY STEADY PEE PEE PEE"

somebody call 911 cos when i saw that... in my maddening rage...
i stuck my eyelids together with Superglue...

yes... imagine elephants clamping shut my eyelids...

anyways...

magic numbers... my exam dates...
4 8 16 17 19 22 24...

see...
it's supposed to work like this... i go for the exams...
i score... i quote... "bagfuls of As"...
and then i'm set for life cos i'll go on to get a degree...
a good job... then retire comfortably...

or maybe they'd just serve me better if i go buy a few lottery tickets...

moving on...

i typed Nachtilera in google.com...
ok fine i'm full of myself...
and guess what...?

my blog's top of the list! numero uno!

let's just ignore the fact that there was only one entry shall we just hmm...?

and the little fact that google.com said did you mean: Nachteile?
and guess what...? nachteile means "disadvantage"... in German...

going on with being positively bursting with ego...
i typed my full name...

and that... in Vietnamese... is...
New... Bright; Smart... and Good...

yes... laugh the night away...
don't we all need it...?

hello everybody...

well tomorrow's the start of the A's...
exactly three weeks...

then...

ah ha!

that's all folks... nice... short... and sweet...